I went to my Relapse Prevention Group last night. It turned out to be much better than the one I went to last week. I felt that many of the things discussed were meaningful. Our group leader said that he ran out of time to discuss an issue that I raised last week. I am not entirely happy about this, since I never asked him to discuss this with the rest of the members. As far as I am concerned, he can forget about this entirely. After the meeting was finished, I went downstairs to wait for my ride. After half an hour, it finally showed up. The driver came to the door where I was waiting. Then a problem developed. She could not open the doors for me from the outside because they were locked. I could not open the doors from the inside because they must have been locked there as well. I tried ramming my chair against them, but that turned out to be a waste of time. I had met my driver several times before, so she started making jokes about my being locked inside. That was okay for a few times, but after that the novelty wore off and I started becoming angry. The angrier I became, the harder I rammed my chair into the doors. There were only two things I was concerned about by then; breaking the glass in the bottom part of the doors and being stuck there all night long. A housecleaner finally heard all the racket I was making and she let me outside. I am already worried about what I will do next week. The main thing I can think of is to just go outside and wait in the parking garage. It might be cold, but at least I will not be stuck inside a building. This morning I went to have the custome-made seat on my wheelchair examined before the warranty expired. The woman who usually works with me was not there because she had adopted a baby. I was happy for her, but was not overjoyed when I heard that she would probably not be back. The smoke detectors in my apartment are making loud chirping noises, which sound like birds. I am going to have to take a break from here to go see the managers and try to talk them into making some repairs this week. That will be easier said than done. Quotes for Attitude: “Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.” Jim Rohn
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Glad your relapse prevention group was better this week. You\'ve been seeing your therapist for quite some time. Do you feel comfortable with her? Is a lack of trust standing in the way of discussing the abuse or is it more a reticence on your part? As you know, it\'s so important to have a therapist you really trust.
Always enjoy the quotes you include in your journal. Blessings, Dancer.
I cannot find the exact date I started seeing my therapist, but I think it was sometime in August. Feeling comfortable with her does not seem to be the issue. I am really having trouble with the topic at hand. The therapist has been nothing but kind and courteous with me. She has said that I am safe and have nothing to fear while I am in her office. I believe that to be the truth as far as it goes.
What I do have is a strong fear that someone -- such as my parents -- is looking over my shoulder and listening to everything I say. I have a fear of saying negative things about them and then being afraid of having them reciprocate in some abusive way.
I think that another reason I am having problems is that my father always said men should not talk to women about sexual issues. He was prudish and very adamant about that to the point where it is extremely difficult for me to overcome that kind of reasoning.
A few months ago, I would have said that I was imagining all of this or that I was going crazy. I no longer feel that way. I am not making any of it up, and feel much saner than I did a few months ago.
Thank you for the compliment and the quotes I include in my journal. Take care. Jim
Chirping sounds from the smoke detectors usually means they need battery replacement. If these are wired-in, then you definitely need them looked at.
I think your driver needs to be a little more considerate regarding your pick-up time. You should NOT have to wait out in the cold for half an hour for your ride.
I\'m glad to hear that your meeting went better, but it still bothers me that some of the issues that concern you seem to be inconveniences to others. I know you\'re not the pushy type, but I also know you to stand your ground when you feel you\'re being either neglected or passed over. If you raised an issue, do you not feel you deserve an answer?
Thinking of you lots lately. Keep smiling.
xoxoxo