Today was the first birthday party of one of my great nieces. It was filled with family members, and children and their parents. For me it was a time of remembrances -- some of which were good and others of which were bad. Most of my thoughts centered on my relationship with my mother. Many of them were good, but some were extremely bad. I now realize that she had a form of mental illness, which would often cause her to act in strange, unusual, and perverted ways. I looked at my great-niece today and watched her having fun filled with delight. I realize it is selfish of me to compare her life with mine, but I could not help feeling a yearning that my life could have been different and filled with some of that same caring and love. I hope and pray with all my heart that this young child remains happy without being subjected to similar acts of physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse, as did I.
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I had a different kind of unhappy life growing up too, and when I spend time with the neph and niece, and I do things for them that weren\'t done for me, I too feel bitter and resentful, because what I did wasn\'t that hard to do. What was so hard about just ONCE giving a child something they really wanted for Christmas, or a birthday, or ever? Or sacrificing the housework to be in the audience to see a performance I worked REALLY HARD on. Nope, I just don\'t get it.
Extend my Weeble Mojo to your great-niece... It\'s pretty stretchy and one size fits everyone... Hugs too.