1:50 PM   I feel as though I am falling into a deep dark bottomless pit.  The pull of gravity is tugging me downwards so that my momentum is increasing beyond all control.  There is no way for me to stop what is happening and I am very frightened.   A few days ago, I was feeling good about my life.  That was unusual, but it was a pleasant surprise and I was willing to go with the flow.  I had hoped that maybe I had gotten beyond a lot of my depression and anxiety, but that no longer seems to be the case.   Today I feel horrible.  I want to sit around and do absolutely nothing.  The only thing I feel like doing is crying, and for me that is a negative thing.   I no longer feel like being alive, yet I am not sure what -- if anything -- I can do about it.  I have been unable to sleep for most of this week.  My memories of the sexual abuse that I sustained throughout much of my life have been keeping me awake.  I see, smell, and feel people hurting me and I hate them not only for what they have done to me, but also for how they have changed me.  I feel despicable and know that I must be destroyed.   My life is a shambles and I do not know how to make it right.  I see that dark bottomless pit before me and know that I am being dragged toward it.  I am trying with all my might to steer clear of it, but it has more power and strength than I do.  I am getting too close to the point of no return, yet I am too scared to cry out for help.