September 19 -- Update This week, I raised the possibility of killing myself. Tonight I read some journal entries critical of members who also raised the issue of suicide. One or more people wrote that they thought this was just a means to get attention, as well as being a pity-party. I, for one, take exception to this. I have suffered with severe depression for several years. For most of this time, I have kept all of my problems to myself. I have done so for the primary reason that I do not believe in burdening others with my problems. Additionally, I do not have any off-line friends with whom I can trust to talk about these troubles. There have been a few times when I have written in my journal about some aspects of my depression. I have done some venting and released anger in the process. There have been times I have considered the possibility of committing suicide. I did not mention this for attracting attention from others, or as a part of any pity-party. I have only done this when the pain and suffering within me has reached the point where I feel as though I cannot continue the struggle to go on living. Undoubtedly, some DS members are guilty of milking their depression for all it is worth. They want hand-holding, pity, and heaven knows what else. I am not one of these people. I am as open and honest as I can be when it comes to expressing my feelings. I do not use my depression to gain anything from anybody. Anyone who is a friend of mine knows this to be true.
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If you need to talk or raise your fist in anger or even talk about your feelings about killing yourself then go ahead,I mean that is why there is a place like DS for all of us to express ourselves.Even if it dosen`t make since to others and yes there are times when we all wonder what is the use in going on but I have alway`s thought that what is the sence of killing myself when it will only hurt the other people in my life.I would not even know what kind of pain and suffering that you are going through but ask yourself do I[meaning you]really think that killing yourself would solve anything?The answer to this question is No! Why? because you are worth something to some one besides yourself and then there is the problem of after you are gone,who will pick up the pieces of the shattered lives of the family and friends that you have known all these years.Was it really worth it? Agian I would have to say NO!!What are we to do wiithout you?You are a part of us and we do feel some of your pain and grief and maybe we just don`t want to give up on you.You told me once that you liked my writting and thought that I explained things so that you were their,well you have that talent too,when I read your journal I can feel your pain and frustrations with everything that is going on in your life but nothing should make me think that you are throwing a pitty party for yourself and who ever said that should take a good look at themselves to see what kind of person would talk about someone else who has a lot of problems and be cruel to them.I would like to tell you that I consider you one of my best friends and I know some of the troubles that you are going through and to let you know that I am in your corner but please don`t kill yourself.I know that at times it can be so bad that we think that is the only way out but it is not and it will only leave more problems for those you leave behind.
If you need to talk just send me a message and I will get back to you.
Your friend,
Monte
Jim Remenber you have many friends here on DS, Who care about you me for one, Hugs -Stephanie
Anyone who knows you would never put you in the category their posts speak of, Jim. The posts are referring to a different kind of behavior. While it\'s the nature of depression to get \'stuck\' the truth is, sometimes people need a mental thump to get unstuck, and the result can be a crapshoot even for professionals; the patient moves forward, stays stuck, or, the worst scenario that doesn\'t need any explaining. Your brand of depression has many variables and complications, and you handle them with dignity and good manners. You make attempts to figure it all out. So, the posts were not about you, I hope you can see that now. Weeble hugs.