I have been extremely depressed today and barely able to function.  Nothing seems to be going right and I am not happy with my life.  Whenever I feel as though things are straightening out, something always manages to go wrong.  I do not want to continue living this way.   Yesterday afternoon I went to my anxiety group.  I had a short meeting with my therapist before the group session began.  We updated my 45-day action plan.  During that time, I told her that I had a relapse last week.  She did not seem surprised, and did not raise her voice at me during the discussion that followed.  She asked me to be open with the group during our meeting.  I agreed to do that.  I also told her that I was concerned about what I would do once I was done with the anxiety group.  She said she intended to extend my participation in the anxiety group for total of two more months.  In addition, she said she intended to advocate on my behalf with the head of the mental health clinic and try to make sure that something else was available for me.  She did not want me to think that I was going to be dumped into the street.   During our group session, I told the members about my relapse.  One of the members became very upset and said that I had gone back to step one.  Our therapist disagreed with her, and the two of them discussed my situation.  My therapist said she thought I had learned some things that I would not forget.   My therapist asked how I was feeling prior to my relapse.  I said that I had been feeling lonely.  She said that I needed to do something about that in the future.  She then set a goal for me of getting out of my apartment and going somewhere at least one day a week.  I agreed to try to do that.   She asked if I felt suicidal, and I said yes.  She wanted some type of assurance that if I intended to kill myself I would reach out for help.  I finally agreed to call a crisis line if necessary.  I am feeling guilty today because I know that if I really get to feeling that badly I will go ahead and kill myself without reaching out to anyone.   My therapist called me today.  She wanted to give me a phone number, as well is to remind me of the goal I had made.  I had already forgotten about that goal.  I am not sure whether it was intentional or not.   Tonight I do not want to ever return to that anxiety group.  I feel as though I am a failure, so what is the point of taking up everyone's time.  I may feel differently tomorrow or the next day, but for one of the few times in my life, I just feel like quitting.   Motivational Quote:   “"It’s a very funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” William Somerset Maugham