Someone here thinks I am going in circles.  That is a distinct possibility.  After everything that has happened in the past week, I am not quite sure whether I am coming or going. I feel that I have lost some control over my life.  Too many people have been coming and going, some of them helping me and others just getting in the way.  If my life was not in a mess a few weeks ago, it is now.  The worst thing about it is that I have caused most of my own troubles. There was a time in my life when I used to cast blame upon others for the difficulties I incurred.  I no longer have that luxury.  Any mistakes I have made are mine alone. In a previous entry, I said that I hated myself.  I have felt that way for most of my life, although I managed to change my feelings for a few years.  However, the hate returned when I began making mistakes after my mother died. This is not the way I want to live my life.  I need to take a close look at the errors I have made and pick them apart piece by piece in order to fully understand what I have done and how I can avoid doing the same things over again. That is my goal for the coming days, weeks, and months.  Much of what I consider will be written here.  In some ways, it will be like a confessional.  Almost everything will be here for others to examine.  The healing process will never be complete if I hide everything. If I am successful in carrying out my intentions, I will have found my way to go forward with my life in a positive manner.  There will no longer be a need for me to keep going in circles.