Thursday, July 12, 2007 -- Evening Edition The Dark Place I am not feeling good tonight.  A lot of troubles I have been having seem to be piling up on me.  I feel as though I am going downwards into "The Dark Place" from which it is hard to return. Part of the week seemed to be going good, but that ended today.  I feel that I am stuck, mired down into mud and sludge.  It is almost as bad as quicksand, which has the ability to pull me down into its depths of blackness.  As it does so, I realize that I have entered the dark place. I am shaking with anger at my family and myself.  They "tricked" me into coming to this godforsaken desert.  I feel as though I was manipulated into moving here.  I did not want to come, but remember my niece saying to me, "Why don't you come out here where we can all love you?"  Choosing between remaining in Virginia and coming to Denver was difficult, but I thought it would be nice to be around family again.  That was a mistake. I was told that I would have to stay in a nursing home for one or two weeks until suitable housing could be found.  The length of stay turned into a year.  I hated my brother and sister (and still do) for putting me into that kind of a hellhole.  The staff there told me that my family wanted me to remain there longterm.  I said that was my family's problem -- not mine. There was a time in my life when I was happy with myself, but that has long since passed.  I want nothing more than peace and happiness.  It does not look as if I am going to get either one. The dark place beckons me.  It wants nothing more or less than to swallow me whole until there is nothing left.  I am tired of fighting its gravitational pull.  My strength to hold on is declining.  If I do not get some kind of help, I will soon be gone forever.