Wednesday, July 11, 200711:20 A.M.    This is already a bad day.  My caregiver came in at 6:10 AM, turned on all the lights in my bedroom, and then started yelling to me about some grease in a lockbox on my front door.  He said he got grease all over his hands, and it was very evident that he was unhappy about it.  However, that was no reason to take his anger out on me.  When he comes here in the mornings and evenings, I am entitled to one and a half hours each visit.  I asked him to do one thing for me this morning, and he almost flew into a rage.  He said he was in a hurry and did not have time.  I told him he better find the time.  On the weekends, he has been bringing other clients of his to my apartment while he prepares my dinner or puts me to bed.  When he sees or hears them doing something he does not like, he yells at them.  I cannot stand yelling, and will not put up with it much longer.  It reminds me of abuse I received when I was a child, and with all the problems I am dealing with right now, I do not need another.  My home health care nurse is also my case supervisor.  When she comes to see me tomorrow, I intend to file a complaint against my caregiver.  If he wants to quit working with me, I am agreeable to that.  Yesterday I received all of the Medicaid forms that I need to fill out.  I am already finished with that and have made arrangements to hand-deliver the papers on Friday.  I also made an extra copy of everything just in case it is "lost" again. This afternoon I am going to see my therapist for what should be our last session.  I have mixed emotions about this.  I know that she has tried to help me during the past year, or so, but I am not happy about the way in which I was told that I could no longer receive therapy from her.  I intend to ask her for referrals to other therapists.  I doubt if she will have any names to give me.  Since I have already prepared myself for that response, I do not think I will be too disappointed if I get it.  My main goal is to end up my therapy sessions with her on at least a peaceful parting of the ways.  I am in a bad mood today and angry with a lot of things.  I know my depression is much worse, but hope that I can keep my mouth shut when I am with my therapist.  I have a bad feeling about how I think things are going to go this afternoon.  A Daily Thought:  “You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.” -Barbara Sher    but hope I can