Monday, July 9, 2007  

I must be going through the "Monday Morning Blues" since I am feeling lousy today.  My previous determination to keep going to my anxiety group until I started feeling better, has weakened.

Going to the mental health clinic has become a struggle.  Ever since my therapist told me that she would have to quit working with me, I have felt as though I was being forced out.  It is extremely hard for me to go where I feel that I am not wanted.

I have grown tired of life and all of the problems that come with it.  I have been going to that clinic for about a year now, and I do not feel that I have accomplished much of anything.  So what is the use of going any longer?

Every time I go to this anxiety group the meeting is started by each person telling how the past week has been for him or her.  I am afraid to be truthful and tell them that I have been extremely depressed because each time that happens I wind up having a therapist threatening to have me placed in the hospital for at least seventy-two hours.  With that in mind, I always have to figure out a way of telling them exactly how I feel, but without letting them in on all of my feelings.  This whole process is doing me more badly than good.

I want to give up on everything including life!  The only friends I have are those online.  I am not as close to my relatives as they had led me to believe I would be prior to my coming to Denver.  I have developed a fear of going anywhere alone.  There is not anywhere I would like to go to begin with.  This is not life.  This is hell -- and I do not want to be part of it any longer!

A Daily Thought:

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”
-Dr. Denis Waitley