Sunday, April 29, 2007
8:55 AM
Now and then I need to take an inner look at myself. This weekend I did just that. It helps me to keep track of where I am and where I want to go. Although I seem to be on track, I feel that there is a long uphill road ahead of me.
It seems like last week I was plagued with various illnesses, plus aches and pains, to which I am not accustomed. When I'm not feeling good, I try not to say much, as well a stay away from most people.
I took a good look at my profile on Friday and was pretty unhappy with what I saw. I knew I had a lot of problems, but never really stopped to look at all the communities I belonged to. When I reviewed them, something made me feel as if I was a horrible person. I felt as if I had caused all my problems. People I know -- both on and off DS -- have tried convincing me that I have been the victim of abuse.
In some unknown way I feel guilty for everything that has happened to me. I am having a very hard time changing the way I think. I don't know how I am going to do it, but I must change the way I am thinking in order to heal.
A Daily Thought:
Forgiveness means letting go of the past.
-Gerald Jampolsky
8:55 AM
Now and then I need to take an inner look at myself. This weekend I did just that. It helps me to keep track of where I am and where I want to go. Although I seem to be on track, I feel that there is a long uphill road ahead of me.
It seems like last week I was plagued with various illnesses, plus aches and pains, to which I am not accustomed. When I'm not feeling good, I try not to say much, as well a stay away from most people.
I took a good look at my profile on Friday and was pretty unhappy with what I saw. I knew I had a lot of problems, but never really stopped to look at all the communities I belonged to. When I reviewed them, something made me feel as if I was a horrible person. I felt as if I had caused all my problems. People I know -- both on and off DS -- have tried convincing me that I have been the victim of abuse.
In some unknown way I feel guilty for everything that has happened to me. I am having a very hard time changing the way I think. I don't know how I am going to do it, but I must change the way I am thinking in order to heal.
A Daily Thought:
Forgiveness means letting go of the past.
-Gerald Jampolsky
Replies
IT\'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!
It takes some time I am told for therapy to change in your heart what you may know to be true on an intellectual level.
It took a long time t oget here and it will take some time to heal but you are trying, time and a new understanding of what happened .
And it is absolutely not your fault!!!!
Love Jan
I understand about the guilt, or thinking we deserved what we got... I had a therapist have me write letters to the abusers and tell them how much they hurt me and it\'s wasn\'t my fault and they were wrong for all the hurt they caused me.... I couldn\'t send my letters but it really help me realize that it wasn\'t my fault, know matter what ages the abuse starts... not sure if this can help or not... but please don\'t feel guilty...
I hope u feel better-i have not been on for a few days- you changed your picture from Bugs Bunny-to Sylvester and Tweety-Cool!!! Thanks- I enjoy seeing them \"Greatly\"-I still like to watch Tom & Jerry, and Bugs Bunny- I know it is part of my past and now i am not a child anymore, yet they help me to not be sad-life is to short to always be sad, and the physical has a way of pulling at all us, -So it is up to each of us to make the most that we can of each day we are given. I haven\'t done a good job of that in the past-yet i can and am starting NOW. Thank you for helping me to see that. May you my friend be blessed with a \"peaceful\" day. Take care.
The trauma of physical, emotional, sexual abuse erodes the very essense of any child\'s heart especially as we grow through the years, have trusting issues and contend with feelings of guilt that it all happened because somehow and in someway it is, was and had to be our fault. We were kids, Jim, we were entrusted to adults to protect us and look out for our best interests. Please know that you are not alone here and I pray you will continue to find many to come alongside you with great compassion and friendship. I applaud your being a patient advocate - let others encourage you as much as you want to help others so you don\'t get drained and/or overwhelmed. Hang in and stay strong in heart!