Saturday, April 07, 2007
8:20 A.M.
Last night, I had just finished eating dinner, when the phone rang. My sister was calling to tell me that she and her boyfriend were coming to see me. They were also bringing dinner. How many dinners can one person have in one night? I don't know about you, but last night I had two.
I don't quite understand my sister, but maybe she doesn't understand me as well. Her husband died a few years ago, and she truly loved him. I never imagined that she would wind up going with someone else. But she did just that.
In October, my sister turned 71. She is dating a guy who says he is 74 -- a young 74! He says he is a millionaire, although he dresses as though he was homeless. My sister says she is in love with him. Her children and I can't stand him. But what are we to do?
My sister, brother and I came from a home, where there was a lot of abuse. We all underwent physical and emotional abuse, and I was also sexually abused.
With that background, I cannot understand how my sister could possibly date a man who yells at her. They live together in her house, except on weekends, when her grandchildren come to visit.
Last Easter, we all had dinner at my apartment. Before everyone got there, her boyfriend started yelling at her. It was the first time I had ever seen that. Remembering what had happened when we were growing up; I couldn't believe my sister would stand for that. As a result, I sent her a letter expressing my concerns. Instead of thanking me, she ranted and raved and told me to stay out of her business. She said she wasn't a dummy, and that she would never let a man abuse her, and that he had not really been yelling at her -- that's just the way they talked to one another.
During the winter, when we were expecting a blizzard, I went to stay with my sister and her boyfriend. I was there for three days -- the longest three days of my life! I resented this man being there, and I think he felt the same way towards me. When I called my sister a few weeks later, he answered the phone. He said she was not available, but he wanted to talk with me. He said he didn't think I should go to her house except for one or two times a year, like in the summertime for birthdays. Because I did not want my sister to get hurt, I never told her about that conversation.
I told my brother about that phone call. He said the comment made to me was cruel. I tried to shrug it off at the time, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I do not want this man in my apartment again. But for my sister's sake, and only for her sake, I will not tell him that. So it looks like I, as well as my sister, am being forced to continue undergoing abusive treatment.
A Daily Thought:
If you dont like something, change it. If you cant change it,
change your attitude (Maya Angelou)
8:20 A.M.
Last night, I had just finished eating dinner, when the phone rang. My sister was calling to tell me that she and her boyfriend were coming to see me. They were also bringing dinner. How many dinners can one person have in one night? I don't know about you, but last night I had two.
I don't quite understand my sister, but maybe she doesn't understand me as well. Her husband died a few years ago, and she truly loved him. I never imagined that she would wind up going with someone else. But she did just that.
In October, my sister turned 71. She is dating a guy who says he is 74 -- a young 74! He says he is a millionaire, although he dresses as though he was homeless. My sister says she is in love with him. Her children and I can't stand him. But what are we to do?
My sister, brother and I came from a home, where there was a lot of abuse. We all underwent physical and emotional abuse, and I was also sexually abused.
With that background, I cannot understand how my sister could possibly date a man who yells at her. They live together in her house, except on weekends, when her grandchildren come to visit.
Last Easter, we all had dinner at my apartment. Before everyone got there, her boyfriend started yelling at her. It was the first time I had ever seen that. Remembering what had happened when we were growing up; I couldn't believe my sister would stand for that. As a result, I sent her a letter expressing my concerns. Instead of thanking me, she ranted and raved and told me to stay out of her business. She said she wasn't a dummy, and that she would never let a man abuse her, and that he had not really been yelling at her -- that's just the way they talked to one another.
During the winter, when we were expecting a blizzard, I went to stay with my sister and her boyfriend. I was there for three days -- the longest three days of my life! I resented this man being there, and I think he felt the same way towards me. When I called my sister a few weeks later, he answered the phone. He said she was not available, but he wanted to talk with me. He said he didn't think I should go to her house except for one or two times a year, like in the summertime for birthdays. Because I did not want my sister to get hurt, I never told her about that conversation.
I told my brother about that phone call. He said the comment made to me was cruel. I tried to shrug it off at the time, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I do not want this man in my apartment again. But for my sister's sake, and only for her sake, I will not tell him that. So it looks like I, as well as my sister, am being forced to continue undergoing abusive treatment.
A Daily Thought:
If you dont like something, change it. If you cant change it,
change your attitude (Maya Angelou)
Replies
SOMETIMES WHEN WE ARE TREATED IN HARMFUL WAYS- WE BECOME ACUSTOMED TO IT- AND ACCEPT IT AS NORMAL -IN OUR MIND-W/OUT REALLY LOOKING AT IT FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS. WE ALL NEED COMPANIONSHIP- POSSIBLY THAT IS WHY YOUR SISTER HAS A BOYFRIEND. WHEN WE GET OLDER-SOME PEOPLE ARE TOGETHER B/C THEY JUST DON\'T WANT TO BE ALONE. MOST CARING BROTHERS STILL WANT TO PROTECT THEIR SISTER-SO I UNDERSTAND YOU FEELING AND THAT OF YOUR BROTHER. SO HE YELL- POSSIBLY B/C HE IS HARD OF HEARING- JUST A THOUGHT-OR WAS HE UNHAPPY AT THE MOMENT B/C OF A SITUATION- -SOMETHING SHE DID OR DID NOT DO- ANYWAY I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS- THERE SEEMS TO MOST ALWAYS BE SITUATIONS THAT WE WANT TO AVOID- PEOPLE- IN OUR FAMILIES UNFORTUNATELY. DESPITE THE EVENING- AND MEMORIES IT BROUGHT TO MIND- TRY TO ENJOY THIS NEW DAY YOU WERE GIVEN. SEE WHATS ON TV- WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE YOUR DAY ENJOYABLE. BY THE WAY........I AM BACK-I DON\'T HAVE THE QUOTE- THOUGHT IN FRONT OF ME THAT YOU SENT- BUT YOU CAN GO BACK AND READ IT- SOMETHING ABOUT NOT LETTING OTHERS DEFINE WHO WE ARE-YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON- AND PROUD OF IT I\'M CERTAIN. TAKE CARE.
SOMETIMES WHEN WE ARE TREATED IN HARMFUL WAYS- WE BECOME ACUSTOMED TO IT- AND ACCEPT IT AS NORMAL -IN OUR MIND-W/OUT REALLY LOOKING AT IT FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS. WE ALL NEED COMPANIONSHIP- POSSIBLY THAT IS WHY YOUR SISTER HAS A BOYFRIEND. WHEN WE GET OLDER-SOME PEOPLE ARE TOGETHER B/C THEY JUST DON\'T WANT TO BE ALONE. MOST CARING BROTHERS STILL WANT TO PROTECT THEIR SISTER-SO I UNDERSTAND YOU FEELING AND THAT OF YOUR BROTHER. SO HE YELL- POSSIBLY B/C HE IS HARD OF HEARING- JUST A THOUGHT-OR WAS HE UNHAPPY AT THE MOMENT B/C OF A SITUATION- -SOMETHING SHE DID OR DID NOT DO- ANYWAY I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS- THERE SEEMS TO MOST ALWAYS BE SITUATIONS THAT WE WANT TO AVOID- PEOPLE- IN OUR FAMILIES UNFORTUNATELY. DESPITE THE EVENING- AND MEMORIES IT BROUGHT TO MIND- TRY TO ENJOY THIS NEW DAY YOU WERE GIVEN. SEE WHATS ON TV- WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE YOUR DAY ENJOYABLE. BY THE WAY........I AM BACK-I DON\'T HAVE THE QUOTE- THOUGHT IN FRONT OF ME THAT YOU SENT- BUT YOU CAN GO BACK AND READ IT- SOMETHING ABOUT NOT LETTING OTHERS DEFINE WHO WE ARE-YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON- AND PROUD OF IT I\'M CERTAIN. TAKE CARE.
it sounds like it\'s just the way she\'s use to being treated so she doesn\'t see it as wrong, although it is. dealing with family is hard anyway. you care for them & want to do what\'s best for them without huring their feelings. but you end up hurting their feelings because you are so close to them & you can give them an objective opinion. i\'m an only child so i\'ve never had to deal with real sibling drama, but i have lots of cousins who are pretty much my siblings. if any of them try to give me advice i usually take it pretty hard if they\'re pointing out something bad. with time i see that they\'re right. hopefully that will happen with your sister. i\'ve been lucky, i\'ve always been told that if someone lays a hand on me (or otherwise) i walk away & don\'t look back.