I just received a phone call from my doctor's office. The ultrasound I had this morning, turned out normal. I also learned that the kidney test I had last week turned out normal as well. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong, even though something must be wrong. I was told to keep my feet up in the air when I'm sitting down. I asked the nurse if she ever tried that, while sitting in a wheelchair. She was at a loss for words. Maybe that will give her something to think about over the weekend. Isn't that a happy thought?
I've been trying to think of something nice and upbeat to say since most of my recent entries have been gloomy. But when I'm depressed, and not feeling too good, it's hard to pretend that I'm very happy.
This has been one of those weeks when nothing seems to go right. My caregiver is driving me crazy. The person who does my cooking and cleaning is also driving me crazy. Neither one of them likes the other. So whenever one has a complaint against the other, they always tell me about it. I seem to get stuck in the middle. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm getting very tired of it.
As much as I want to get a new home health care agency, I'm not sure I can do it. There are two people with this agency, who are very fond of me and will do anything they can to help me. I don't like the idea of losing them. On the other hand, with the exception of those two people, I am currently getting lousy care. I don't know what to do. This is a very bad dilemma.
My sister met me at the hospital today. She thinks I should find a new agency. I have a list of about 100 agencies. My sister says I should call about five of them every day. She's probably right, but that's very time consuming, and quite frankly, I don't think I have the energy right now.
I heard from my social worker on Wednesday, and she is working on getting some new hearing aids for me. That leaves me with a bunch of paperwork, which I am dreading. I also have to get nine months worth of bank statements, as well as proof of income statements. It seems like there is no end to what people want.
My life seems to be getting worse every day. I'm trying to hang in there, but I don't know how much longer I can last. It seems like I've been here before. I get away for a while, start to feel better, and then something happens and I get right back here in this dark hole. If it wasn't for all the support I've gotten from people on here, I don't think I would be alive today.
I've been trying to think of something nice and upbeat to say since most of my recent entries have been gloomy. But when I'm depressed, and not feeling too good, it's hard to pretend that I'm very happy.
This has been one of those weeks when nothing seems to go right. My caregiver is driving me crazy. The person who does my cooking and cleaning is also driving me crazy. Neither one of them likes the other. So whenever one has a complaint against the other, they always tell me about it. I seem to get stuck in the middle. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm getting very tired of it.
As much as I want to get a new home health care agency, I'm not sure I can do it. There are two people with this agency, who are very fond of me and will do anything they can to help me. I don't like the idea of losing them. On the other hand, with the exception of those two people, I am currently getting lousy care. I don't know what to do. This is a very bad dilemma.
My sister met me at the hospital today. She thinks I should find a new agency. I have a list of about 100 agencies. My sister says I should call about five of them every day. She's probably right, but that's very time consuming, and quite frankly, I don't think I have the energy right now.
I heard from my social worker on Wednesday, and she is working on getting some new hearing aids for me. That leaves me with a bunch of paperwork, which I am dreading. I also have to get nine months worth of bank statements, as well as proof of income statements. It seems like there is no end to what people want.
My life seems to be getting worse every day. I'm trying to hang in there, but I don't know how much longer I can last. It seems like I've been here before. I get away for a while, start to feel better, and then something happens and I get right back here in this dark hole. If it wasn't for all the support I've gotten from people on here, I don't think I would be alive today.
Replies
I find when I\'m down, the smallest things can set me off. It\'s the depression doing it\'s dirty work. Sometimes I think those little things are happening just to make me crazy(ier), but the reality is, if I stop and think about it, it\'s ME overreacting and in the end, it usually works out, whatever it is. As for changing agencies, that could be an option, but it doesn\'t have to be done right now, unless you absolutely can\'t stand it. I sometimes \"postpone\" big decisions, maybe you can wait till you are feeling better and more clear about it. And then it won\'t seem so overwhelming. But, what you are feeling is all \"normal\" for depression, I\'m right there with you. Hey, no daily thought, what happened? The dark hole is a terrible place to be, but it\'s not forever, your last statement is for eternity, I believe you are the one who told ME that a few weeks ago. I would say wait on changing agencies or solicit help doing it (like from your sister) since she had such a \"good\" idea about all those phone calls. You are not alone in this uphill battle, keep the faith and the pilot light on.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. It makes a big difference. I realize that when I\'m \"down\" even the tiniest things can set me off. Under most conditions, I probably wouldn\'t give them a second thought, but, as you said, the depression makes me overreact. I don\'t really have to change agencies right now, except that it makes me extremely angry to be forced to go to bed at eight. I can put it off (I\'m GREAT at putting things off), but I\'m in the mood to get it over and done with now. The longer I wait, the less chance there is of doing it at all. Did you have to remember that part about eternity? LOL Yes, that was me, but I didn\'t plan on it applying to me. Oh, the daily thought is right under this posting. There\'s only one a day no matter how often I write.
I HOPE THIS NEXT WEEK GOES BETTER FOR YOU- YOU SEEM TO KNOW A LOT OF QUOTES- SO WHEN ONE OF YOUR CAREGIVERS COMPLAINS ABOUT THE OTHER ONE, POSSIBLY ANSWER W/A QUOTE - IF YOU THINK THAT MIGHT HELP THE SITUATION- EVER HEARD OF- IF YOU CAN\'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, DON\'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL? I AM SURE YOU HAVE. I DON\'T LIKE THE DARK HOLE EITHER- JUST TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF GETTING YOUR BANK STAEMENTS TOGETHER OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU NEED.MAYBE PUT SOME MUSIC ON THAT YOU ENJOY WHILE YOU DO IT, OR BREAK IT UP INTO LITTLE INCRAMENTS- THAT\'S WHAT I TRY TO DO-ALTHOUGH MY FAMILY SEEMS TO WANT MORE THAN WHAT I FEEL LIKE DELIVERING AT TIMES.TAKE CARE.