I started feeling badly last night, so I got off line somewhat early. My right leg and knee was swollen almost twice the size of my left one. It kind of threw a scare into me. I promised myself that if it wasn't better today, I would go to the ER. Well, that's one promise I broke. It's not any better, plus there's a pretty good amount of pain. But I've been in hospitals so much in my life that I'm afraid to even look at them.

Last night I made tentative arrangements to meet my sister and her daughter for lunch today. They didn't know about my leg problem. Today I canceled out, and told my sister what was going on, which was a mistake. She freaked out! Ordered me to see my doctor and go to the ER, saying she would check on me tonight. I said okay (anything to keep her quiet) and stayed home all day. Took some pain killers and slept. That helped some.

Got really depressed last night, and today, to the point where I felt like crying, but didn't actually do that.

I'm supposed to see my therapist tomorrow, but I feel like canceling out or telling her I want to stop going to more sessions. I can't stand living like this, feeling I'll never get over the depression. Why should she waste her time on me when there are lots of people who need, and deserve, more help than I do?