k..sorry I haven't written in my journal for awhile. The 24th went well for me, THANK GOD. The Judge even apologized for the type of person my ex is not to mention, with tears in his eyes, apologized for not being able to do more for me as the Indiana law wouldn't have permitted what the Judge felt I was actually in titled to. Too many different emotions have flooded me since. Grief over my lost marriage that I couldn't fix, grief over not being able to "fix" my ex, grief over myself and the lost years and the parts of me never to be seen again. Bitterness, hate, vengefullness, self-pity, pity for my ex, sorrow for my ex, just so many to try to process. They tell me the worst is behind me. I feel the worst is ahead of me. But that is another entry all together!! Anyway, I used to tell my ex that, (in certain circumstances), I loved to see the world thru his eyes. I saw me thru his eyes as he sat on the stand in court dissing, demeaning, berating and demoralizing me. Was I ever a human in his eyes? How could he "love" with seeing me as he saw me. Or his ex wife. Or his sister. Or his mother? How sad. But yall will be proud to know I held my head high, looked everyone in the eye as I spoke as truthfully and as honestly as I could. I held my emotions in check, on the outside anyway. I showed no fear towards him. Now I have an emptiness inside of me that I can't fill no matter how much I eat, drink, run, walk, sleep....lost my job because I listened to men make me promises that they lied to me about. (I was a server in a restaurant.). Heart study didn't go as well as I had hoped. Was 2 points above what they were looking for but can test 2 more times before they will disqualify me. And my font is too big! How the heck do I make it smaller???? Did I mention my font??!! Thanks to everyone for the support, hugs prayers...thoughts...everything. Thanks to all my new friends on here and God Bless you all....Karen