Had some very disturbing news today that I can't go into right now without locking my journal to everyone. I can't be of any help to anyone that way and they can't be of help to me. Am terrified as it is and this news was BAD for my safety. Anyway, my poor lil sis, who has been just wonderful to me, has needed me and tried to talk to me for the past couple of days. Because I have "been in my head" , I haven't been able to be there for her. I feel guilty. She has promised she will talk to me about it but she doesn't want to do it yet because it will upset her. That is the very last thing I want for her. I have really put my famiily thru hell with this tragedy that I have been in for over 20 yrs.  Am waiting on my counselor to call me back as I really need someone to talk to. I am not sleeping at night and when I do sleep during the day when I am not working, I don't want to wake up. I have a dr appt tomorrow and will speak with her about the anxiety, sleeplesness and sleepfullllllness! I am hoping that my counselor will meet with me before group therapy tomorrow night as I am still not totally comfortable speaking about my experiences when the women sitting beside and accross from me are tottaly black and blue. I know deep down that if I do open up not only will it help me but it will help them emotionally and mentally also. I know this. But the bruises...and broken bones...until they heal, and they will, but what about their insides.....