WHAT AN AWFUL DAY. nO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. tHE SOUND IS SO LOUD IN MY HEAD. i KNOW IT WASN'T A GUNSHOT BUT OVER THE PHONE THAT NIGHT, YOU COULDN'T HAVE CONVINCED ME OTHERWISE. wHEN i WAS 9, MY MOM TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE. tHE FIRST SHOT WENT THRU THE CEILING. tHE SECOMD SHOT WENT THRU HER TEMPLE 1/4 INCH FROM HER BRAIN. hER PARENTS DROVE HER FROM fLORENCE, sc TO cHARLESTON, sc AND DROPPED HER OFF AT THE HOSPITAL THERE. tHEY THEN CALLED MY DAD AND BIG SISTER THEN LEFT BEFORE MY DAD AND SIS COULD ARRIVE AT THE HOSPITAL. aCCORDING TO WHAT HAPPENED, WHEN THEY FOUND HER ON THE FLOOR, SHE WAS THRASHING AND IN PAIN. mENTAL ILLNESS ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY IS A "BLACK MARK", UNIKNOWLEDGEABLE. mY SOON TO BE EX IS THE ONLY PERSON i HAVE GONE INTO EVERY DETAIL, EMOTION THAT i HAVE GONE THRU ABOUT THIS. hE METICULOUSLY PLANNED THE NOISE i HEARD KNOWING i WAS HELPLESS. hE KNEW THAT IF i THOUGHT HE KILLED HIMSELF IT WOULD SEND ME OVER THE EDGE. i HAVE BEEN WITH THIS MAN ALMOST HALF OF MY LIFE AND i DON'T KNOW HIM. HOW AM i SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANYONE? hOW DO i DROWN THE NOISE OUT OF MY HEAD. i KNOW IT WASN'T REAL BUT THE SOUND HAUNTS ME. lOUD MUSIC ISN'T HELPING, SCREAMING i CAN'T DO LOUD ENOUGH. hOW DO i COPE WITH THIS? tHIS IS SO NEW TO ME. tHE FACADE i PUT ON FOR OTHER PEOPLE ON MY BAD DAYS ARE DRAINING ME. i TRY TO STAY TO MYSELF WHEN i GET LIKE THIS BECAUSE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE ALREADY WORRIED ABOUT MY HEART CONDITION. hOW CAN i PUT MORE ON THEM? i AM GOING CRAZY......GOD THE NOISE IS SO LOUD....
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You are not going crazy! And I\'m so sorry you have to go through this. You\'ve been traumatized in more ways than one. What it sounds like you\'re having is a panic attack or flashback, hard to tell by reading this. A flashback is reliving the traumatic event over and over again, you will actually go through the same emotions, hysteria, etc. even though you know it\'s not happening right now. You have to remind yourself \"It\'s over and I\'m safe now. This isn\'t happening right now, it\'s over.\" Try relaxation techniques like breathing slowly in through the nose for the count of 5 then out the mouth for the count of 5. Concentrate on your breathing. (this helps me with both flashbacks and panic attacks) I also need to hear \"It\'ll be alright\" Keep reminding yourself that\'ll it\'ll be alright, you can do this. Become the one you depend on and trust... people are still trustworthy, you are still smart and trustworthy.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I agree, re-living the event, and then reminding yourself your safe, may help.
Jessica