Had a wonderful day yesterday. Today is just a BLAH day. The pressure in my chest, anxiety, is a little heavier today. He hasn't tried to contact me in awhile which scaresme. I don't want to hear from him or see him so I don't understand why it is bothering me so bad. Spoke with counselor...she told me the old adage "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" applies to this situation and to me. I don't want him as a friend or as an enemy. i just don't want him. Burt I am tired of being afraid and paranoid. I know he is 10 hours away, but when I was in hiding from him, the people that were supposed to be protecting me, the police, were the ones who led him to me. He spied on me, stabbed my tire, rode by constanlt letting me know it was him. The sound of the "gunshot" still rings in my head. My brain knows it wasn't a gunshot but my body still reacts to loud noises. NOT GOOD. I used to be such a strong person and now I feel like a paranoid, sniveling coward. The shaking is almost as bad as the pressure on my chest. Does this ever go away or at least let up?
Replies
It does let up, not too sure about the going away part yet though. I found with my counselor the secret to the anxiety I have which is my fears, many not just one, and these fears came to light. In order for me personally to deak with my triggers I had to have help seeing the reality I knew was there all along. I had to face it and realize it can not do anything to me now because I survived it.
You are no paranoid sniveling coward, your fears are justified and you survived. The misconception most have is that courage is being fearless, but it\'s facing your fears anyway. Sounds like you\'re pretty courageous and you\'re body is still dealing with the \"after shock\".
Remember if you are not feeling safe because you\'ve seen him around, contact the police. I know you said they led him to you but they are the ones to truly protect you if he is around. Be safe and be strong. You\'re a fighter and will be able to get through this.
D
its good to try to idenify where your anxiety is coming from it might be threw build up of issues.
I\'m so sorry.
:[