Today was better for me. I have 2 job offers which is great. I think staying busy will help greatly. Not to mention, I want a HOME> I have never had one of my own. During my "marriage", when it was convinient for him, he would throw me out after robbing me of my money, debit card and credit card. He even found the emergency card I held back just in case. My credit is really good but without a job, it does no good. With the settlement I get from my divorce, I should be able to come up with a down payment. I have set some goals for myself, finally for me, not someone else. I am first now. I want a home, and a career. I am going to go back to school but realize I can't do it all in one day. He called, unexpectedly, from a calling card so I didn't know it was him. He is back to his old tricks but I see them now. Anyway, it threw me into a massive unexpected panic attack that left me exhausted. I slept for 4 hours and am still feeling tired but I am alive. I realize that the panic anxiety disorder I have won't kill me. It just exhausts me. But I AM ALIVE!!!!