GOD...What a $#@@@##$%$% day. I finally fell asleep, if that is what you can call it. I was awoken this morning by the slamming of a car door and thought it was a gun going off. Will the sound EVER leave my head???? I know it wasn't a gunshot that the SOB I was married to "shot" himself with but at that time I heard it, and it was so planned maticulously by him, I could only picture it in my head. What a low cruel evil person he is. For over 15 yrs I was with him and defended him constantly...no he wouldn't do this and he wouldn't do that. Not only did he prove me wrong with those things, he went above and beyond what ANYONE expected he would do. I am having such highs and so many lows....what is real anymore? I really try to remember that tomorrow is another day but can't help but wonder if it will be a high or a low. Think positive....easier said than done. But I have determination...I hope!!!!
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How horrible that this guy would traumatize you in this way! The sound is more than likely one of your triggers and I know first hand how frustrating and frightening those can be. Your body takes over and you\'re just along for the ride. Even though our logical selves \"know\" certain things as true or false, it\'s like the image placed in our brains is what comes through.
All we can do is hope, think postive, and look ahead... your determination and hope will carry you through the harder moments. Thank you for sharing and know you are not alone.