Hi Everyone,It was a very nice visit with my daughter, but her living away in North Carolina has really caused me to feel alot of loss and grief.......I think the hormonal swings are doing a number on me, too.......it's just so frustrating--this pmdd thing......You can't truly distinguish what are your true feelings. But it's about time I ACCEPT my health situation........I have sought all kinds of help from medical to homeopathic, to herbal--things will help for a while and then it rears its ugly head again. I have spent so much time and money and energy on trying to feel better. I mean this has been a 19 year thing.......So then when a challenging emotional event happens like my daughter moving out-of-state, there is an over-reaction. I am losing my coping skills. With this recent back and neck problems and having to quit Curves for a while--it has gotten me really down. The exercise was such a great stress-reliever and also it was great having a place to go......I have prayed and prayed, but I'm getting ready to have a major pity-party.I am going to have to do some acceptance of my situation. If anyone has any books they'd recommend or any advice on how they've accepted their health issues, I would appreciate it so much.....It's like I'm living with a mild depression, just part of the time. And it can hit from no where, so then you get afraid to plan things. It's difficult for people to understand, but anti-depressants don't help everyone..... But I know many of you live with more challenging situations and I don't read the same lack of acceptance in your journals. I really would appreciate any advice or comments. Love to you,
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I read what you said. I want you to know that after a few suicide attempts, a life-time of depression & panic attacks, shock treatments, etc, I can tell you that in order for me to live, I had to see that I was always defeating myself.
I\'m not blaming you at all. I couldn never see my way out of every situation I was in.
My problem: My thinking. My head was out to get me. I predicted the way everything would turn out & it was never good.
Let me remind you that I\'m a recovering drunk who spent years in AA learning to change the way I thought about everything. That was something I was forced to change & THANK GOD, I did.
I had to learn to go with the flow ~ to float down the stream.
I learned that I can\'t predict my future.
I also can\'t change any thing, any place or any body except for myself.
I had to learn to stop playing God by telling everybody what & how things were supposed to be, etc.
Here\'s an example of how I\'ve learned to look at things:
As for your daughter in N. Carolina: Instead of thinking of her so far away, why not look forward to going to visit & being a tourist?!!
I went to N. Carolina in Oct 04. I got to go to Kure Beach, tour the U.S.S. N. CAROLINA at Cape Fear & even go to Ashville to tour the Biltmore Estates.
Instead of seeing everything as the end, all I see are new beginnings!
Instead of focusing on your kids being gone, look forward to your future with grandkids, etc.
Let me remind you, I have no family even tho they all live within miles from me & I have no kids ~ at least none that I know of.
Our problems are between our own ears, not theirs.
So ask me questions & I promise I\'ll never lie to you.
In the meantime, I\'m going to eat some more donuts.
i\'m sorry your daughter moved out of state..my children live out of state too and it just kills me most of the time..i miss them so much..i don\'t have pmdd but i have heard it is really hard on a woman who has it..no antidepressants don\'t work on everybody your right smile..i hope you feel better soon..i\'m praying for you sweetie..love terri
I am sorry that your daughter is out of state, my son is out of state temporarily and if it were perminant I would be beside myself. I am sorry that your neck and back are bothering you and you can\'t go to curves, I know you enjoyed that a lot. I will pray for you. LYL Tonya
Wow...Taloola\'s comment was excellent! I know it is hard to hear, especially when you have tried so hard to be \'well\'. Hormones are tough little boogers, despite your best efforts. I never had probs with pms until these last few months and that day before my period, I usually end up breaking down and in a crying fit over SOMETHING. Now that I am seeing the pattern I am going to remind myself when that day comes to watch out for my hormones and when something DOES come up I will reserve any reaction for a day. Yes, we CAN do that...think about when you are mad and having an arguement and the phone rings...you pick up and say \'hello\' in a normal voice. We CAN choose our moods, that example is proof. Sometimes I get off on things that depress me and I consciously stop myself and tell myself it isn\'t good for me to think that way and I need to think about things more positively. It\'s hard and it takes practice but it can be done. Coggnitive therapy (I spelled wrong so DS won\'t gobbledegook it) could help you to learn how to control your thoughts better. Hugs and love to you.
Hi I am sorry that you are having such a tough time; I love your honesty. I would be missing my daughter if she moved out of state; that is very understandable....
I am not sure of your situation but I had a ten year pity party....and finally one day....I decided to go see a therapist who I see faithfully every week........I exercise whatever part of my body is working that day; I take small walks 3 to 5 times per day.......I repeat postive affirmations......I don\'t worry about what other people think about me being ill; I don\'t feel guilty anymore...I just try to be kind to others even when they are pissing me off....I eat the humble pie....I attend a two support groups on a regular basis; and I am honesty and open with my illness....but only when appropriate....I don\'t feel like I have to take care of everyone anymore....I take one day per week to myself..............I pamper myself by giving myself a home spa treamtment..........from music; candles; doing my giving myself a manicure; plucking my eyebrows;facial with olay mud mask.....conditioning and or coloring my hair....putting face wet face clothes in the microwave and then laying them on my body...from my hand to my feet..it feels great....lotioning my body; hot tub....all of it...then I put on my one of my favorite night gown....make myself a easy but favorite meal...get comfortable on my sofa with big pillow and possession of the remote control is mine....and I watch favorit movie....no phone....and I don\'t do anything but relax; I might take a little nap....it is my exclusive day. I don\'t take medication..I felt worse on it........I eat lots of vegatable; eat lots of fish....lots of fiber.........good luck and remember you have to just live one day at a time...and you listen to your body ....
I personally think its understandable that you are experiencing this grief and sadness... Losing a precious child to a distant land IS HARD.... I don\'t think you should be hard on yourself and just do whatever you need to to help yourself manage each day of the grief as it ebbs.... You are a good woman Cindy, I am sorry you suffer as you do....
I am away now for a week..., but will pray for you.. Hx
You know, sometimes I literally shout to myself in my head, \'this is hormones, not reality - I am having trouble but not the kind the hormones are making me think I\'m having\'. And most of the time that works and gets me through the moment.
But other times, I throw things... LOL!!! EVERYBODY DUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Weeble mojo to you.
Cindy, I feel so deeply for you. You are at such an important juncture in dealing with a chronic health issue. It really stinks that with all the bang up medical knowledge and ability we have here in the US that they can\'t figure out what is going on. I tried to respond to you earlier, but I kept coming back to \"are you sure it\'s not (X disease), and I don\'t think that\'s what you are asking. Whatever the disease, syndrome or condition is, you have it and you are asking how you can find some kind of acceptance so that you can move on, I think. That\'s really hard to do as humans, esp. in our culture because we equate acceptance with quitting or giving into infirmity and allowing ourselves to be disabled. In some sense I did that at one point in my long complicated medical history and ended up on the sofa for the better part of the year. When I finally couldn\'t stand myself anymore I went to a pain rehab, found some better answers (o.k. now I had a name for the condition, yay) but more importantly learned that acceptance doesn\'t mean lying on the sofa, but getting out of bed every day, showering, dressing myself, taking care of business. So my condition at the time, and the emotional and physical conditions I still deal with, place certain limitations on my resilience, stamina, ability to deal with stress. So what. Everyone has limitations of one kind or another. Another part of acceptance is taking the responsibility to do what I can everyday and not making excuses or using my condition to manipulate my family (my mom was past master at that!). Acceptance is the decision to stop living in the problem (\"I\'m sick, depressed, BPII, whatever\") and begin living in the knowledge that I still have some abilities, that my life still has purpose and, in Christ, there is always hope for me. I add the last because not only has this journey been about learning how to exercise and move, about keeping schedules and making committments to myself, it\'s also been an intenselly spiritual one. In the span of discovery, I have felt the abandonment of God and I have been to the mountain tops and each experience, everytime it happens, is as important and valid as any other. Keep praying and if you can\'t, then ask others to pray for you (as many of us already do). You will not always be in this place, you have not been forgotten, but no one can tell you how long you will be here or what you will find. That you will find something is almost certain and I pray that it will bring you peace.
I wish I could say something to help. However, I know Our God can do anything! I wilkl be praying for ya!