Today was not a good day.  It was weigh in day at Weight Watchers and of course I gained 2.5 lbs. back.  Well, back to losing 0 lbs.  I want to cut so bad and I haven't felt the urge this strong for a long time.  I don't want to mess it up.  I have worked so hard to be where I'm at right now, as far as the cutting goes.  I just made it four months without cutting on June 6, 2008.  I just have so much stuff I'm trying to work on all at one time and it's tearing me up inside.  On the outside, I seem fine, but inside I'm falling apart.  So many things are going on with me and no one even knows.  Each time I have to mask my feelings, it gets easier to cover up, even with my counselor.  She is the one person I should be honest and open with, but I'm not.  It's just one more person to disappoint.  I feel so sad all the time and I just don't want to be around anyone.  I'd rather be by myself.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have friends, so I wouldn't be such a disappointment, so I wouldn't be such a depressing person to be around.  Who wants to be arounds someone like that.  It just brings others down and I don't want to do that.  I'm moving in less than a month a little over a month and I haven't even started packing.  I hate moving, I have moved three times in the last three years.  It really stresses me out.  I don't know, I'm just tired of being "here."  Everything has just gotten to be too much for me and too fast. I tear my heart open, I sew myself shutMy weakness is that I care too muchAnd my scars remind me that the pain is realI tear my heart open just to feel I tried to help you onceAgainst my own adviceI saw you going downBut you never realizedThat you're drowning in the waterSo I offered you my handCompassion's in my natureTonight is our last stand  I tear my heart open, I sew myself shutMy weakness is that I care too muchAnd our scars remind us that the past is realI tear my heart open just to feel