well, i went to court to support my brother today, we tried to get bail for him,  i was trembling in the court room, i couldn't breathe and i couldn't stop crying, i want my brother back so much. i miss him so much, knowing that he's sitting in a cell every night is tearing me apart, he puts on such a brave face, but i can never imagine what he's going through and it's killing me because we have always been there beside each other through everything and been there for each other and now i can't be there, when the judge denied his bail today i walked out of the court, i couldn't hear anymore, he's not a criminal, he made one stupid move and now his life is ruined. i don't know how to cope with this anymore. i haven't spoken a single word since we left the court 8 hours ago. it's just not fair, he has to live with things he should never have had to see, prison isn't the right place for a 20 year old, not only that his 21st birthday is coming up, and if he has to spend it in jail it would devestate me, no doubt him aswell..i just want the shit to stop, i want for my family to be able to be happy without the constant up hill battle that we've always endeavoured, i was always the strong one, and if i can't deal with it how can i believe that they can all deal with it.despite everything i always try to put a positive spin on things but i'm really struggling to find anything positive anymore.