I was crying last night that I just want to be a normal 26 yr old... I want to be normal. Matthew who has been pretty supportive for some reason said some insensitive things last night, and even worse, today told me that he thinks I'm a hypocondriac! What happened to the sweet man that loves me? I told him about all the psych evals I've already done in the past year while he was in Iraq, including the neuropsych testing. I've done so much lengthy testing day after day by more than one doc, all of them concluded that i'm mentally sane! And they all said that the psychological distress and mild depression all is a direct result of the MULTIPLE CONDITIONS that cause chronic PAIN and FATIGUE. There is nothing that they can find psychologically or mentally "off" about me!! They have searched and searched...there's NOTHING! I told him today that just to make him happy I will do it ONE MORE TIME! just for him, and if it comes back nothing AGAIN, this is his ultimatum: we will get a third person (couples counselor) as a mediator for our problems with communication and lack of understanding, if he does not agree to go, then it's over for good! Cuz I WILL NOT, I say again... WILL NOT put up with unnecessary BULL SHIT from him or anybody that isn't supportive of me!I NEVER asked for this shit, I don't want this shit! I want my life back, I told him. i'd rather be out there doing whatever the fuck my heart desires! I would be doing all physical activities I love, I'd be working, I'd be going back to school for auto mechanics and chase my dream of opening my own restoration garage for classic muscle cars! But this is the hand I'm delt, and I gotta play this hand the best I can! I told him I pat my self on the back for the progress I've made wether he believes I desreve it or not! I don't give a flying fuck what anybody else thinks I desrve, I know my body and the shit I go through and the progress I've made! So if he wants to be one of those ignorant people, than he can FUCK OFF!
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For the life of me, I will never understand why some men insist on making you feel like you are crazy when you are not. An ex of mine always accused me of being rude by \"yawning\" when I was just trying to catch my breath - I was rude for \"indicating my boredom\". The only thing boring was having to always explain that it was panic attacks, which he thought I just invented to get attention. We are no longer together! Maybe you are better off without this guy if he is going to put you through that game. You should not have to be constantly explaining yourself - life\'s too short for that. I am sorry you are going through this.
You are such a strong person. I don\'t know how you still manage to be so adventurous and do so many activities despite your conditions. I think you\'re really an inspiration. How wonderful that you are strong enough to insist others take you seriously. A lot of people give up, especially with pain conditions because those are easily dismissed as something in your head.