This week was rough.  Four day straight.  Not excessive drunkeness, but enough to take off the edge. Last night it seemed to peak with some wine. I was up at 2am sick with a headache.  My body wanting to purge something.  Cold sweats.  Racing heart. God (I've often prayed), I'm so sick and tired of this.  At 42 years old with a successful business and so much going for me, you would think I could stop.   It's very lonely.  I feel like it's me and God fighting this battle. It's hard not telling those I love.  I don't want them to worry.  And, I'm a bit embarrassed. I used to think I could drink controllably.  You know, a few drinks here and there, nothing too much, never over doing it.   I seem to always over do it. Why do I have to over do it?  Why not one?  Why is it three or four?  Or more? What draws me into Walmart late at nights for a bottle of Merlot?  $8.35.  Debit card. I wish I knew. I've come to realize this morning that I can't just limit my drinking.  I must quit the drinking.  I need to quit, not cut back. Today, February 2, 2008 is a new day for me.