I became what I hatedPart 1Let's face it, forgiving someone who hurts us doesn't sound appealing.  For some reason we feel like we are vindicating ourselves by holding on to the anger, resentment and bitterness. Somehow we feel like we are punishing that person who hurt us, when in reality, we are hurting ourselves.  I know this first hand.For years I dealt with a negative, self-righteous person.  She never cared about what came out of her mouth or how it would affect those around her.  Over time, resentment, anger and bitterness grew within me.  Everytime she would come around, which was often, my defenses would just automatically go up.  I would literally HATE being around her.  However, we always were, she is related and we do ministry work together.  I always prayed and thanked God that "I wasn't like her."  Then one day I realized I had become the very thing I hated!  I would talk behind her back, say negative hateful things to her and about her, felt I was better then her.  I became her.  Hate, anger, disgust and bitterness now burned inside me, and I had to change this.  My problem was I thought I had good reason to feel this way. After all, she didn't care how I felt, why should I care how she felt?  I felt like she needed to come to me with an apology, for all the hurtful things she had said to me over the years, all the times she made me feel less then what I am.  So, I started praying for HER.  I prayed that God would reveal to her the hurtful things she had done and said to me and others around us.  That He would change her heart, and renew her mind.  I prayed she would learn to love, like Christ loved. . .(like me. )  I prayed that He would give her compassion for others feelings.  I would design Bible studies based on her actions.  Yet, my prayers weren't answered.I couldn't understand why God wouldn't change her, because what she was doing was definatley not "encouraging or edifying" to us an any way.  Besides, that's not how Christians are supposed to be!  So what was the problem?  I chalked it up to her not reading her Bible enough,besides, she is a know- it- all, and not praying enough for God to make her more like Him.  So I would pray for answers. . . how do I pray about this situation Lord?  How do I make her see the things she is doing wrong?  How do I make her grow in You?  I was confused.  God gave me an answer, in His word.  (Philippians 2:12 says ~ Therefore my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your OWN salvation with fear and trembling.)  He was telling me to worry about myself and my own relationship with Him.  I needed to forgive this person, but I just didn't know how.So, I started praying again, this time for MYSELF.  I prayed that God would reveal to me MY own problems, that He would change MY heart, that He would renew MY mind.  I prayed He would teach ME how to love like He loved. That He would teach ME compassion for others feelings and situations.  And I kept praying until I started seeing changes in ME.Next entry~What did God reveal to me?~