I just did something stupid. i keep doing stupid things. i dont know how to talk to people. i have no nothing. no opinions, no updates, no personality, nothing. "its either all or nothing" my mom says that sometimes. i say it too i guess. but to who? i dont talk to anyone really? maybe i just say it in my head. maybe ive read it somewhere. i dont know. I DONT KNOW! i dont know anything. ever since i was diagnosed with bipolar.... <--- well nothing can continue that statement because nothing regular or constant has been in my existence since that day.i just froze. i keep freezing. one recent night while i was lying in bed not able to sleep, i took notice to my heart beat and learned it was not consistent. i was thinking intensely about a lot of things in my life that happened that day. i know it was linked to my breathing. i feared that if i worried too much about the things i was worrying about i might stop breathing all together and just die. i hurt my mom. i was suprised at myself for what i had done. i'm still surprisedi have been suprising myself a lot lately. and at the same time, not enough.