Life in general is really hard right now. Everything seems to be crashing down all at once. Tomorrow Heather, Mom and I go to court for Heather being screwed over at the beach house on my birthday. So I am nervious about that. But I know it will be ok. I am looking for work and finacally we are struggling but things will work out. I applyed for a job at a doggie daycare. I hope that I get it. It would help sooooo much. Right now I have been calling friends and no one has called me back and it sucks. It makes me feel like they are ignoring me but I know I am wrong about it. I have sent out messages and e-mails to people and they dont even responed to me. I feel that I am all alone. I do have Heather and Kim. But sometimes I would like to talk to others too. I love them please dont get me wrong. I love them so much and are my dear friends and fiance'. but sometimes I want to talk to other peple.I am so arrr right noI fel that  pain, I feel pain inside  and darkness and so much i am not sure what to do. I feel like cutting, derpession and ocd with cleaning. I am rething thikingno about my ex-bf. there is something that needewe had and it hurt when he came over but  that he had. but we had couldhelp  but I tryed to  snuggle and suppot me. He did that in one day. Then we have not really talked about. every one is getting sick a dieing it really suchs right now.  But whatever it will be ok.