My Story
I'm not sure what I may have posted previously on DS about my situation, but Sam and I lived far apart: he lived with his brother in Florida ... I lived with my brother in Pennsylvania. My brother & Sam had been best friends when my brother worked in FL, and we all continued to be friends after my brother moved back home when my dad passed away. Sam & I worked toward the day that I could move south. After teaching high school English for 37 years, I had finally reached a point where I was financially able to retire. Sam bought a spacious home big enough for the two of us ... along with both of our brothers and possibly Sam's parents at some future point. Emptying the house that my brother & I lived in since childhood proved a daunting task and one that was taking longer than planned. We had made up our minds that the winter of 2013-2014 was the last one we'd spend in Pennsylvania. On Sept. 8, 2013, while working around his pool, Sam tripped, hitting his head on the side of the pool as he fell into the water. By the time his brother found him, it was too late. All our tomorrows vanished in an instant. So why am I telling you all this?? Because I just want to reiterate what Rainycreek said in response to a post recently ... that it IS the chances we don't take that haunt us the most. I am completely broken when I think that if only I had been brave enough to take that chance earlier, to empty this house faster, to retire sooner ... who knows how things may have unfolded? Sometimes grief requires us to examine our actions ... and ultimately to forgive ourselves. For years, I taught my students that, good or bad, life unfolds as it is meant to unfold ... it's how we deal with the unfolding that gives our lives dignity. I'm now learning to practice what I preached. As always ... thanks to everyone for listening. Wishing you all peace ...
Replies
Hugs Bandi, I am so sorry. We all have our regrets, and I hate it.
You can read my story on my website. I think I sent it to you already.
Did you make it to Fl? I\'m here too.
JoAnn
Sorry I did not read this earlier my friend. You and Sam were working toward a goal that would not just benefit yourselves, but your family too. I\'m sure you were doing your best to achieve this dream, and were also focusing on your students, and the very important work you were doing for their futures. There are so many long hours that I worked that I would love to have spent with Sharry as well. I have learned that everyone can point to something they wish they had done differently. Lord knows I have plenty. What helps me greatly, is to close my eyes, and think of all the times we were together, and see her smiling, laughing, and in love with me. I absolutely know that she still is, and waits for our time again. Try to remember how happy and in love Sam was with you. Go over one great memory after another in your mind. Then,realize that he still is, and is waiting. All of those times we regret pale in comparison to the vibrance, and depth in meaning of the times we definitely got it right. You are a fine person my friend, you can be very proud of your life, and the love you shared with Sam. Prayers, and hugs from Matt and I.
Robert
Such a sad story with lessons attached. Its often not the big decisions that are important but the smaller ones that we never consider before hindsight shows us the results. You had no way of knowing what would eventually happen and conducting your affairs in a responsible manner. It\'s one of those things we just don\'t have control over and have to do what seems best at the time. Sharon
Thank you JoAnn, Robert, and Sharon for taking the time to learn more about what brought me here to DS. God bless you!
Thanks for sharing the journey that brought you to this point of your life....I understand life unfolding as it is meant to ....just wish I had the strength that my darling Kate had... still feel lost and numb without Kate by my side..still as long as my Heart beats...the Love that we have is still with me..
Lawrence
Edinburgh Scotland
Bandi
I am just reading your journal entry here. I am just in shock at what you have been through. I can\'t imagine losing your darling so tragically that way. My heart is sooo heavy for you friend I am so very very sorry an I want you to know how MUCH it means to me that you are my friend and that your kindness had reached me on a very deep level. Reading this, knowing how wonderful you have been to me humbles me and makes me far more aware of my actions recently in reaching out to others or my lack thereof.
I am so sorry for your loss for your pain
Love to you
Cindy
So sorry for your loss, your story is just heartbreaking. Prayers for you my friend.
Thank you so much for sharing. Regrets over what might have been is rough. I met my husband of 9 years 23 years ago, but we didn\'t really act on those feelings until 2005. I could regret missing all of those years, but it can\'t be changed. Focus on those times you DID have together
It\'s September 11th 2015, I am just reading your journal for the first
I sincerely hope you are now settled and in a peaceful place.
Your whole journal inspired me, now 14 months after Ben\'s passing, I found myself regretting the a simple thing like, insisting he not buy the expensive ring he always wanted to get for me. It was so important for him at the time, however,I kept saying we can use the money for more important things.
I guess these things will \"pop\" now and again.
Thanks for writing this, hugs from Sandra