So many things are going through my mind this morning. I feel very sad and anxious. I want control of my life again. I don't want to have to depend on anyone.In two weeks we will be filing suit with my former employer. I am ready to proceed. My demise came in July 07. We had to wait six months for the EEOC investigation. The attorney will be ready in two weeks. Then we will go through hearings and depositions. There will be much emotional pain. I will see former employees that I care for deeply and a former boss that I despise. I will HATE sitting in a room with him and watching his smug face. I will know going into this that he will lie as will the HR director from corporate. He knows he is at fault. He knows he could have avoided all of this by being honest and straight forward. He isn't honest. He really felt threatened by me. I feel I was the only one in the office that really ruffled his feathers. I do not want this to go to trial. I want it settled as soon as possible. My life seems to be on hold. I can't plan anything until this is resolved. I am unable to spend any money as I feel I will be paying for depositions. My life is at a stand still. I have no motivation in life. I don't clean the way I used to. I do not have pride in my house. I have stopped exercising.  I don't enjoy my new job. I'm tired of pinching pennies.I found out during the past six months my husband had two affairs before we were married. I'm really struggling with trust and honesty.I struggle with some of the girls on here. I want them to pull their lives together and be all they are capable of being. I have been so involved with them.  I feel I have to be strong for them.I need a break from life. Even a woman of my age wants and needs to run away. I am ready.