Just realized it has been almost a month since my last journal.  Even though I haven't been journalling, I still pop on here almost every day to check up on how people are doing and comment..... My Mom has had some serious health issues going on.  She just got out of the hospital for chest pain she has been having for weeks....and they finally found out she had 2 blocked coronary arteries, and was severely anemic.  She had stents put in, and is taking iron, but has not recovered to her former strength.  I am so worried about her!  We got a lady to come over and do housework and spend time with her, but I think she needs more than that! I guess I am still paying for wasting so much of my precious income on gambling.  If I had not become a compulsive gambler, I would have all my bills paid, and money in the bank.  I would have been able to afford to make more trips to see my Mom, and would be able to contribute more to her finances.  I would have been able to catch a flight to see her, and be there personally to help her out any way she needs. I wish I could just pick up and go visit her now....but then I couldn't make payroll.  I am praying she gets better so I can delay the trip to see her until I can save the money to do it! After making my big catch-up IRS payment, and then payroll....I am pretty much broke!  I am still saving for the catch-up State tax payment....and apartment rent and office rent are due within the week.   I will scrape by, and then I'll be just a little bit better off!  After this, I am pretty-much out of trouble with the IRS....after 2 years of struggle! Step by step.....little bit of progress day by day, week by week.... Even though I have so far to go....I still have come a long, long way!  If I had not stopped gambling, I would have lost my business, filed bankruptcy, and who knows what hell I would be living through right now! If I had not stopped gambling....almost 22 months ago.....I can't even think of where I would be now.  I have my regrets, struggles, and guilt to deal with NOW.  How much worse would things be by now if I had not stopped! Thanks to everyone for your support....please send thoughts and prayers out for my Mom.  I love her so very much.  I am saving money to take off a week and go see her.  I hope I can be there when she needs me most!!!!   I can't even face the idea of her dying.  I don't know how I can ever handle it.  When her time comes, I want to be there holding her hand.  I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself if I am not there for her.  I'm just praying she will come through this, and live on in good health some more years.  She is 84, and I want to be there to protect and help her.  Until this happened, she was doing very well....did all her own housework, etc.  This is so hard for me to face. Well, enough rambling for me.....thank you dear friends....for being out there and listening!Much love to you all.....