BACK!!!

Back from my trip to visit Mom and family.  It was a really good time, although I got a speeding ticket on the way back to the airport.  ACK!!!!! The reunion with family was great, and I got to meet people I've heard about but never seen....:-) Back in my gambling days, I dreaded trips to see my Mom, because there were NO casinos where she lives!  I remember scheming how I could "sneak away" to drive to the next state to go to the closest Indian casino.....how sad sad sad......... While there, I used to count the days until my return....and when bf would pick me up at the airport, we ALWAYS went immediately to...you guessed it....a casino.  My bags would be in the car....we might get fast food for on the way......but yes.....had to hit a casino immediately on my return. How are things different?   Gambling crossed my mind maybe twice in the week I was gone....and that was really just in remembering how it USED to be.  Trying to think of how I could sneak off to gamble never crossed my mind.  Thinking about gambling when I got back never crossed my mind. For all those struggling......YES EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE AND YOU CAN BE FREE!!!! Instead of being broke and worrying about how I would pay my bills when I got back after taking a week off work....I had the money to do things for my Mom.  I made a bunch of trips to the grocery and built Mom a tower of cases of water bottles, her favorite drinks, gigantonormous packages of toilet paper, paper towels...stocked her freezer and fridge, bought her enough detergents, etc. to last her for months!!!!!  I felt so GREAT being able to do this!!!!!  Now she won't have to go to the grocery and lug anything heavy home hopefully until I get back there.....YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!! I want to help her keep her independence in the home she loves as long as possible!   The trouble is, when I was gambling, I had no money.  I couldn't afford to take care of myself, much less do anything for anyone else. Instead of getting financial bailouts from others (Mom loaned me the money for the last car I bought!!!)....and feeling like crap about it.....I can start to repay  the people I love.  I can make a positive difference for them, instead of being a drain. This feels GOOD I am so thankful for all my friends who have inspired and encouraged me....and continue to make this happen....because you know what?  All that has to happen is that I start to feel like I'm CURED.....and I could go back out there.....and all the good I've seen in my life could be devastated.  I could be worse than before.....so I'm not going to get to that place....and Just for today, I will not gamble.