Wow....time has flown by since my last journal...I've been checking in every day and reading my friend's journals....but haven't spent time writing my own. Come the first of June, I will be 5 mos. gamble free!  That is such a blessing, and the blessing has been made possible by my wonderful friends here.  Without you all, I would still be locked in my secret struggle, my shame, and the feeling of being all alone with my addiction.  Thank you all so much for your continued support of me.  I feel honored by the gift of your friendship, and of your time.  In the words of Chris,  you have truly brought a light to the darkness I was living in. I am still working too much....making progress on repairing the financial damage wrought by my gambling....I guess 58 hrs a week is too much...LOL....I am laughing about it now...but I see myself scaling that down after October....October 15 to be precise (IRS extension day!). I have a goal to meet then....and then back to a much more normal work week.   I have three "long weekend" type trips planned in the next two months that will break this up...have already saved the money necessary to carry through while I'm gone on those trips.  Will go to San Francisco the weekend after next for a 3 day seminar.  Hope that will feel like a break even though I'll have 8 hr/day meetings all three days...at least it will be a change of pace!  Then in July I'm going to go visit my Mom for 5 days...and finally end of July, another three day seminar in Lake Tahoe.  The idea of going to Tahoe really scared me when I first signed up for it, but funny....it doesn't any more.  I think I'll be OK- not really worried so much about gambling while there.  As Mike once told me in so many words...there are gambling venues all around me now...what is so different about Tahoe?   It truly is all in my attitude and state of mind. One thing that is really different, is that when I was gambling, having to go away was such an ordeal.  First, I just didn't want to go anywhere there was no gambling!  That is no longer an issue!  Second, I was always so broke it was a huge financial hardship to be away from work...when you are self-employed, there is no vacation pay!.....and office expenses such as payroll keep piling up even if you are not there to generate income!  This time around, I was able to PLAN and save up.....WOW.....what a revolution in my behavior!!!! Now...I just need to learn how to balance better....time to work, time to take good care of myself, time for friends and family, time for R&R.....I have to learn to take a little from here and put a little there.  I have to scale back from work a little and put aside time for more exercise!  I was working out a lot before I started this all-out financial recovery thing....and now  I'm not....and...oh, dear...I can tell...not feeling as good....and the old diabetes is not being controlled as beautifully as it once was.  That...is just not acceptable.    So....I've got to start balancing a little back the other way.....and that, I think,is the art of living....a good basis of work there....a splash of fun over there.....some solid maintenance here....throw a dash of adventure on this end....sprinkle on a lot of love for friends and family....and a lovely picture results that I really want to be in.... Love to all of my dear friends......xoxoxo