Thursday morning.....still hanging in there....each day that passes, I am closer to my goal of getting out of trouble with the IRS....made another payment this week....the end is in sight.....well, not the end, exactly, but the deadline approaches, and I do have the possibility of actually meeting it....I am thankful, so thankful. I am tired, but it is worth it. It makes me realize how much I have wasted in the self-destruction of addiction. I was even more tired when I was staying up until 4 or 5 AM several nights a week gambling, and dragging myself in to work...at least now, I am tired because of working toward something worthwhile (saving myself!)....I am not only saving myself, but saving my friends and family from having to deal with whatever was left over after gambling....I'm saving myself and those I love from the lies, deceit, and secrecy of that life.....It is all so worth it.....I want to be able to have something left over that I can actually contribute to those I love, and maybe, then....to other people I might not even know, that could need my help....I used to buy McDonald's gift cards and hand them to people begging on street corners....even small things like that didn't happen much when I was gambling....of course, donating my time wasn't an option, either, because gambling devoured everything....life isn't just about me, it is also about what kind of impact I can have on others as well...Funny how that gets put to the side when in the thrall of addiction.....Love to everyone here, thanks so much for the support that has been making my recovery possible.....xoxoxoxoxoxo Dianne
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You sound good, and that\'s good :) The IRS, that\'s some pretty scary stuff to be dealing with... and you\'re doing it! Me, too. Not the IRS thing, but I\'m facing reality one day at a time and beginning to feel I\'m worth it. Kisses and hugs to you, too, Dianne! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
You will get there little by little and it sounds lt sounds like you are - little baby steps add up. You are making a conscious effort towards change in your life and fixing those things which you need to. I am so proud of you. You are such an encouragement for so many here - it really helps in recovery but you are living proof that you are living it too. Have a great day. Hugs Suzi
It was nice to read you journal and see how peaceful you sound. I apppreciate all your kind words of encouragement. You a wonderful person and you deserve happiness. I do beleive it is coming your way. Love ya take care:) xoxo
Hi Dianne, Yes...\"The thrall of Gambling.\" How crazy were we?!?!?! It makes me excited that you want to help people...I am the same way......Just remember one thing that I have told you before..\"Balance\" Do good for others and do good for yourself.....When I say do good for yourself......I don\'t mean please yourself with bad things.......but still......Do good for yourself! You are changing day by day....You are becoming again, the creation you were designed by God to be....God wants you to have an abundant life...and you are starting to have one again.....Like you, it probably doesn\'t make sense how we even got the work done when we were gambling....or the payroll money.....or the insurances paid ....or even a chance to pay the irs what they are due......etc etc.....but I have thought about it......The Hand of God is the only answer!!!!!!!!!!!! hug and a squeeze - Ian : )
We are learning alot about ourselves here - and that we are not alone in the insanity out there - we each day passing - I feel so thankful - you are getting stronger and stronger - most of us have some messes to clean up - for most of us it will take some time. We start noticing the little things again in life after we jump off of the merry-go-round of addiction. That life is good and we can find peace in helping others again. Hugs and luv
Hi Dianne... you have a great point about how much it feels great helping out others... I used to think that when I won I would do that and once in a great while I did, but then the losses start to pile up and you start to chase and your hooked time/money you have none to spare... I am glad you shared that thought it really resonated with me... gook luck