Tuesday afternoon, working on my normal day off....the price I'm paying to stave off financial ruin! I should be thankful I have the opportunity to even be able to work to TRY to make some extra money instead of feeling sorry for myself for being here. Today I started feeling the urge to gamble, which is habit because I always gambled on Tuesdays. I used the things I experienced on my non-gambling trip to the Casino Saturday night to do a reality check. I replayed seeing the people miserably pouring more and more into the machines, desperately trying to win....the thing with me was that I got so that I didn't even get that much pleasure out of winning. One night I won about $4500 on a bonus round and just sat there annoyed because the casino staff were taking so long to pay me out so I could keep gambling. I heard one woman screaming her head off for 15 straight minutes and I ran over to her thinking she must have won a million on a progressive, and it turned out to be about $200....I guess the thrill was truly gone for me in gambling!!!! Whenever I want to gamble, I'm going to remember how weak and shortlived the thrills were, and how interminable the depression, self-hatred, and consequences have become....IT'S NOT WORTH IT. NOT EVER. I have to remember this everyday.
Replies
Good for you!! I loved your description winning the $4500...those darn runners, were always too slow! I too use to laugh at those little ole ladies that won $50..i always thought you should have been betting max!! Anyway, Hugs to you, my friend, for making another day! You are so right, the horrible feeling the day after (gambler hangover) is not worth it. I like feeling good and no hangovers!! Here\'s to our day of GF....Rhonda
Just keep that memory filed away, for quick handy reference, so you can take it out, look it over really good, and put it back for the next time you need a reminder of how things \'could be\'.....You are doing great Dianne, and its so wonderful to see the progress. It sucks to work on your day off, but we have to do what we have to do, in order to rid ourselves of some financial strain....
hugs and love
danya
This sounds so much like myself. Winning didn\'t even matter.SAD I will put this in my toolbox.
Tessa
I am happy you could see the REAL GAMBLING LIFE. When you watch the others with that LOOK in their eyes of desperation. A lot of them are going through what we are but they just don\'t know we exist here at DS. We are all the same here, we cannot forget our past but changing the future is seeming better and better, you did a brave thing....just be careful not to slip. I am proud of ya, love ya HUGS Tasha xoxoox
That sounds so familiar... When i first started gambling, I would take a couple hundred with me and that would last me all night. Towards the end, I could fly through $200 in about five minutes. No win was ever big enough. What a terrible sickness this is. Thanks for the memories - it helps me to remember why I am in recovery. Crissy