Monday morning, and I'm up looking at my finances and trying to figure out how much I can pay on my bills. I have 7 more weeks while I'm on "hold" with the IRS to try and pay down my back taxes. I vowed to work every day for this period and I have now worked 22 days without a day off...and getting a little bit tired. Had a good week last week business-wise, and was feeling good about being "ahead" then just got a bill higher than expected so the "ahead" just disappeared....feeling a bit scared and discouraged today. Sometimes I wish I had a "job" and could count on a regular paycheck so I could plan and know what money I would have and when. Having my own business- you never know if you'll have a good week or a bad week, makes it difficult to plan ahead. With no savings (gone to gambling) there's a lot of insecurity. The worry just makes me feel paralyzed some days. Don't know which way to go. I'll just try to have faith that if I keep working hard and keep GF, I'll get through this.
Replies
(((Dianne))) hugs...I know that fear.
I wanted to respond to your questions on my journal... I blog and have addressed what are my thoughts on many different aspects of compulsive gambling and recovery...you might want to look at this entry http://recoveryfromgamblingaddiction.blogspot.com/2007/12/science-of-brain-problem.html
Love,
Peg
It seems as though when we \'think\' we are going to be able to be a little bit ahead, something always seems to happen to take things back down to \'not enough\' to go around. I also am self employed and it is tough not having a regular paycheck, but I make good money, for the most part, but its all due to hard work, dedication and diligence to make sure there is a paycheck every week. Things are slow at work for me right now due to the time of year, and there have been several huge things happen that of course took money, and lots of it to fix....I kind of felt like I was being tested, kind of like it was a test to see if I would just go running back to the old ways, and the stinkin thinkin, or stand my ground against the demons....I chose to stand my ground, gambling would have only made the situation worse, and I\'m not sure if at the time, it could have gotten any worse, but no chance of me giving it a chance to prove otherwise.
Just remember, we have to be ever watchful about not getting too tired, too hungry, too sleepy....basically \'too\' anything, as we are addicts in recovery, yet the \'toos\', as I call them, can really cause us problems. You are doing great, keep up the good work!
hugs
Danya