:-(

Leaving was easy.  Being mad at him after leaving was easy too.  Just remember the bad things.The only time I cried was while talking to him.  He said, "I feel like you don't want me anymore..."  But, at least he knows how I felt for 6 heartbreaking years.  The porn, the lies, the cheating, the beatings, the name calling.  He keeps asking when I will be coming home.  I don't know how to answer that.  I know I won't be coming back to him, I know better.  But, I don't want to break his heart like he did mine.  Part of me wonders if he even HAS a heart.  Doubt it.  ------------------------Then there's the friends I pushed away.  I've talked to one of them the other night, which felt good.  I missed him ALOT.  Another one I want so badly to call, but I won't.  She meant more to me than just a friend that I chatted with all night.  I miss her more than I miss my husband.  I cry alot because I miss her.  Then, there's the one who was my friend since I was a young girl, barely a teenager.  She's so much into drugs and alcohol that I couldn't stand to see her like that.  I just know that she will be found dead, either from an overdose, or murdered by one of those random men she meets up with from the internet.  And, then there's another worry- that she will die just as my husband's mother did.  She died when she was 41, after complications from AIDS.  This friend's life is so much like my husband's mother's life.  The only difference is that this friend has one child, who is 9 years old, and my husband's mother had 3.  Aside from that, it's all the same.  Scary stuff.  And I just cannot handle the thought of identifying her body at the morgue, or going to her funeral before the age of 85.  I love her, and I always will, but I had to let her go.