:-(
Leaving was easy. Being mad at him after leaving was easy too. Just remember the bad things.The only time I cried was while talking to him. He said, "I feel like you don't want me anymore..." But, at least he knows how I felt for 6 heartbreaking years. The porn, the lies, the cheating, the beatings, the name calling. He keeps asking when I will be coming home. I don't know how to answer that. I know I won't be coming back to him, I know better. But, I don't want to break his heart like he did mine. Part of me wonders if he even HAS a heart. Doubt it. ------------------------Then there's the friends I pushed away. I've talked to one of them the other night, which felt good. I missed him ALOT. Another one I want so badly to call, but I won't. She meant more to me than just a friend that I chatted with all night. I miss her more than I miss my husband. I cry alot because I miss her. Then, there's the one who was my friend since I was a young girl, barely a teenager. She's so much into drugs and alcohol that I couldn't stand to see her like that. I just know that she will be found dead, either from an overdose, or murdered by one of those random men she meets up with from the internet. And, then there's another worry- that she will die just as my husband's mother did. She died when she was 41, after complications from AIDS. This friend's life is so much like my husband's mother's life. The only difference is that this friend has one child, who is 9 years old, and my husband's mother had 3. Aside from that, it's all the same. Scary stuff. And I just cannot handle the thought of identifying her body at the morgue, or going to her funeral before the age of 85. I love her, and I always will, but I had to let her go.
Replies
It\'s time to start taking care of you and your son.
You made the right decision to leave, now it\'s time to rebuild your life.
Stay busy, do some volunteer work and get on with living YOUR life!!
You know... When I was in school, they used to throw a stat at us all the time. They used to tell us that if we kept 6 of our friends from childhood through our adult years, we were damn lucky. Here is what I mean... Throughout life friends will come and go. Some are hard to let go of and others just go away. But, if you look back, I bet you had countless friends at one time, then all of a sudden, there were almost none. The sad part is that it hurts when you think about the friends who meant so much that you lost. The only way to get through it is to know that one day another friend will come along. And to realize that that friend too may go away. True friends are the hardest thing to lose. They haunt your thoughts day in and day out. I have lost many many friends over the years and there are very few that stick out in my mind. 2 or 3 at most. I don\'t know if it helps or not. Just my thoughts.
You have to remember that you left your husband for you and your sons safty. That is the best reson ever. I only have one very good friend from school. I consiter him as family. Get intouch with old friend and it will be good.
Melinda. I\'m so proud. You can do this. Your so strong. I think you will see your self esteem and peace of mind improve. Your anxiety will lessen. You will lose wieght naturally because you will not be eating your frustrations. You will sleep better at night !!! One of the best things that I think will happen will be that your sweet boy will improve dramatically in the next few months now that the stress and anger are going to vanish from his life. Take care dear friend. I think wonderful things are going to happen for you. I\'m wishing and praying for all the best to come your way !!!!
Leaving was the easy part...living is the best part.