How do you commit suicide without having it effect your child???  I love Jonathan, but at the moment I am resenting him because I have to keep on living for him.I even went as far as writing a letter to give to my parents, telling them to keep Jonathan and make sure that my husband never gets to see him.  I told them to never tell him the truth about my death, I want them to tell him that I died unexpectedly in my sleep or something.  But, will they actually do that??? People always say that death is never the answer, but when you're me, you know it really is the ONLY answer.  Yah, some people have it worse- but I think I've got it just as bad.  I really honestly hate myself and everything about me.  I hate my body, who I am, and all the pain my husband has put me through.  OK, so get a divorce, right?  That's not going to work.  I still have to deal with him because of my son.  I still will have him in my life, reminding me of all the pain and heartache he's caused.  Reminding me of all the times he's beaten me, all the punches to the head, all of the cheating (cheating in the form of pornography), all the times he told me I was worthless and put me down.  He has worn me down to nothing, and I feel like there is no recovering from that.  I will never trust him again- or anyone else.  I will never again feel love for him- my heart is shattered beyond all hope now.  I will never be able to love anyone again because I will never feel like I am good enough for anyone.  MY OWN HUSBAND NEVER CARED ABOUT ME AND DIDN'T CARE IF HE HURT ME- WHY WOULD ANYONE ELSE BE SO DIFFERENT???  They wouldn't be different, that's how people are.  My boyfriend before my husband was a porn addict, and then my husband came along and PROMISED he'd never hurt me like Dan did, but then he DID!  And, it's even worse than with Dan because at least Dan never put me down other than the hurt from the porn.  He never said I was worthless.  He never called me a whore (well, after we broke up he did, but that's to be expected.) I hate him.  I hate me.  F*** the whole damn thing- I just want to end this heartache and misery and be done with it all.