It's all my fault, really. I could just walk away if I wasn't so afraid of the world out there. If I wasn't afraid of the unknown. I know I shouldn't be here, I know that I brought this upon myself. I want out, believe me- I do. It isn't that simple. Aside from him and his abuse, I like my life. If he would just go away, or change his cruel and evil ways, I'd be just fine. He doesn't just walk around beating me 24-7. There are good things. I just have to be careful not to upset him too much. If I do what I'm told, and what he expects of me, I won't get beat up. But, sometimes I just don't get all of the cleaning done, or I come down with a cold or get a headache, so I can't do as much. I'm sure he is just frustrated with me. I have ADD, and I often get so sidetracked that it seems like nothing gets done at all. I just have to do better is all.
Replies
Oh Melinda... I am so sorry. There is nothing you can do and you cannot be \"perfect.\" He will just find something else to pick on. I know you\'ve heard this before, my dear friend, but it\'s time to take care of yourself and Jonathan. The fact that your son is witnessing this is so heartbreaking, I\'m sure for you too. I know you don\'t want to leave because there are things there that you like about your life. But, you deserve to be happy ALL the time. Please, be safe and take care of yourself. Love ~ Wish
Dear Melinda, I\'m sorry too. You did nothing to deserve this!! Believe it! You deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. Do you take any meds for ADD? Maybe some counseling would be helpful for you to feel better about yourself, and become stronger and go on to live a better life. You are in my prayers.
Melinda, let\'s be real...you know that you deserve more than this or you wouldn\'t be on this website. Now its time for you to grow some balls and do something about it for you and your son.
Honey, you do not deserve any of this, do you hear me??? You are a wonderful person!!!! Are there any relatives that you could stay with? You need to get out of that situation, I am worried about you and your son. Sure, there are some good times, that is part of the abuse cycle. But the abuse he is doing to you is SEVERE and he needs to STOP! You deserve a peaceful, calm life without living in fear. If there are no relatives that you can stay with, maybe look for a women\'s shelter in your area that can help give you temporary housing, and they can help you get your new life started. I will be praying for you and your son. I\'m so sorry that I haven\'t kept up with your journal entries..just now reading through them, and they are breaking my heart. I\'m here for you, ok? Big hugs, and take care of yourself. Always remember that you are wonderful!!
Sweetheart,
Please don\'t believe this...Does God beat us up when we don\'t meet his expectations? Do u beat ur son up when he dissappoints u or can\'t do something? NO of course not! So y? Y, is it okay for ur husband to do this? I\'m sure he\'s not perfect himself, does that mean u beat him when he doesn\'t take the trash out. This is bullshit and u know it Melinda. I can\'t believe that u really believe that ur life is okay...aside from that minor detail that he beats u everytime he doesn\'t freaking get his own way...come on!
I don\'t mean to be harsch, but u and ur little boy deserve so much better than walking on eggshells 24/7, for fear of upsetting him. Melinda there is a whole other world just waiting out here for u. I know it\'s scary, but u can do it. Last year I too was so afraid of so many things, I was a basketcase...I was afraid of dying, but on theother hand I was afraid of living, I was tired of living w/ my husband and walking on eggshells, on the other hand I was so scared to be on my own and be the only one responsible for my babies, I was scared of being alone, never finding anyone again...I was scared of breathing. But u know what, I went through hell and back, I had some awful times, but u know I survived and u can too. U need to get some help Melinda u really do. Please please think about it.
Sweetie,what could be out there thats worse then living how you are now?? This is NOT your fault!! You don`t beat yourself do you? Robs behavior is just that>>robs not yours.NOONE has a right to lay their hands on you.I know how you feel about the good times too.It was that way in my marriage to so I made a lot of excuses.I found out that since I left there are more good times.It`s not easy but its better then living in fear.Big Hugs!!
This sounds so harsh, and I don\'t mean it in a harsh way at all... but this type of self blame is very common among abused women.
I don\'t know how to make you understand this. I\'ve tried in the past and all I can do is say it again. You are not responsible for another person\'s actions! If somebody hits you its NEVER your fault! Ever! No matter what! People have to take responsibility for their OWN actions. NOTHING you can do can make another person hit you! They may want to hit you, but responsibility comes when the punch is thrown... not before and not after! A person could be the most evil jerk in the world, but if I hit them its still my fault.
If I was going to place blame here the extent of your blame comes from letting it happen over and over! That\'s where you should take action! There has to be a better way... a safer way to live... for you and your son!
I\'m praying for you!