Rob's Guide To Marriage, Chapter 1:When your wife is sick, order her to still be your slave.  After all, the man comes first.When your wife has a headache, take away her dinner, then punch her in her head to let her know who's boss, and to show her what a REAL headache is.Remind her daily that she's worthless, fat, and a whore.  This is to ensure that her self esteem is low enough.  You don't want her thinking that she deserves anything better than you.  If she wants to leave, manipulate her.  Tell her what she wants to hear.  This will cause her to feel bad and want to stay.If she ever wants to give you her opinion about anything at all, beat her.  Punch her all over her body, including her head.  When she falls to the floor in pain, kick her repeatedly- and don't forget to remind her that she's a nasty, selfish, fat, ugly, whore.  That's very important.She'll say she has to go to the bathroom after her punishment, but don't let her.  Wait until she is on about the 4th step and pull her back down onto the steps.  Take her ponytail firmly in your hand and use it to smash her face repeatedly into the stairs.  When she stops moving, kick her once for good measure, and walk away.If she ever tries to call the police, take the phone and smash it.  Sure, you'll have to buy a new phone, but it's much cheaper than posting bail.  If you are not going through 12 new phones per year, you're not a real man.  Go beat her harder.When she's driving, make her too upset to drive.  Try telling your preschooler to say "Mommy's a whore"- that's sure to get her upset.  When she begins to cry, punch her in the side of her head.  When she pulls over because she's afraid she'll wreck the car, remind her that she's drawing attention to you, and beat her more.  Rip her from the car and throw her onto the side of the highway.  This tactic works best on interstates and highways with a speedlimits of 65 mph or higher.Make sure that your son is watching all of this, you don't want him growing up soft.  If he seems scared, yell at him.  If he cries, hit him.  Crying is a sign of weakness, and you can't have that.  Control every single thing in her life.  She doesn't serve you, she doesn't eat.  She doesn't have sex with you, she doesn't get the things she needs.  Show her who is boss.  YOU are!  And she doesn't deserve anything, except for what you allow her to have.Humiliate her in public.  Call her a 'retard', a whore, an idiot, a moron, ect. in front of complete strangers.  When around friends and family, hold her hand, kiss her, and act like a wuss.  This way, no one will ever believe her when she tries to run away from you.  This also ensures that your in-laws won't suspect you should you accidentally crush her skull and have to dump her body in the nearest body of water.Remember, never give up your control!Tomorrow's lesson:     Why women should serve us, and why we shouldn't have to do anything for them at all.