When is it time to give up?  At what point do you do you decide to leave?  Everyone tells me to leave my husband.  And, if I were someone else looking at my situation, I would say to go and never look back.  The thing is, he isn't ALL bad.  He has his good qualities too.  But, lately I have been questioning everything.   I have found myself wishing that HE would leave.  Why won't HE leave??  He tells me sometimes that he doesn't want me, and he wants a divorce.  So, why doesn't he just go?  What's stopping him?  He won't tell me, of course.  He always hids his feelings.  I never know how he feels, and if I ask him, he just says, "I don't know" with an attitude.  I don't even know how he feels about me, or what he thinks of me.  What does he love about me, since he tells me that he loves me?  What does he think of me?  Does he talk about me to his buddies at work?  Does he tell them good things about me?  Does he mention me at all?  Does he even think about me during the day?  I don't know if he does.  If I ask him, I don't get an answer.  Does he think about me when he hears a song on the radio?  Does he feel like I do about him?  Does he find himself driving alone in the car, and then getting this overwhelming feeling that he wants to hold me and kiss me?  I will never know.  I want to know so badly.  I have always wanted to know.  But, is that just a way of trying to hold onto something that cannot last?  Is it a way of putting it off?  What am I searching for?  I'd say that about 50% of the time, I want a divorce.  I love him so much, but he couldn't care less about me, as far as I know.  He has never expressed how he feels.  One time, we did have a conversation about the subject, and he said, "Well, how do I describe what it is that makes you you?  How can I put into words what love is?  I love you because you're you."  That was the only answer I got.  But, if he loves me so much, why is his only answer basically 'there's just something about you'.  I mean, c'mon!  That's not an answer!!!  I can't tell him all of the things I love about him, but I certainly can give him some examples.  Some of them are about physical things, most of them are about who he is inside.So, I am going to share with everyone what I love about him, because it seems that I only gripe about him in my journals.  Where do I begin?  He is so incredibly smart.  The way his mind works amazes me.  He is a problem-solver.  He doesn't accept it when he can't do something that he wants to do.  He figures out how to do it.  He was in college when Jonathan was born, and around the time of his birth, Rob bought a new muffler for our car.  He went to school, and saw another student welding.  When I picked him up that night, he was so excited about it, and he wanted to learn how to do it himself.  Before I knew it, we were heading to Lowe's so that he could buy his own welder and learn how to do it.  No one taught him.  He was out in the garage for an entire weekend, and he kept coming to me with these things that he had been practicing on.  At the time, I thought they were the best welds ever!  Looking back, I see how much he has improved.  He is now a very valuable part of his company.  His welds look like a machine laid them.  He has a talent for it, and I couldn't be more proud!  When he was laid off last year due to the company eliminating second shift, he had companies begging for him to come work for them.  He's very good at what he does.Another example of his problem solving was the other night, when our drain was still clogged in the bathtub.  He wanted to fix it himself, and he was offended that I wanted to call a plumber.  But, after sitting in the bathroom for a little while thinking about how to fix it, he came up with an idea, and it worked!  He's also a very loving dad.  He always treats Jonathan with so much love- he encourages him and never puts him down.  Not one single negative word has ever come out of his mouth when it comes to his son.  He loves showing him how to use tools, how to drive, and many other 'guy' things.  Jonathan loves to sit next to him in the recliner and watch t.v. until they both fall asleep.  He even has a special bond with our cat LOL!  They have this rough-housing game that they play together, and the cat gets jealous when daddy is playing with Jonathan.  Besides being able to fix pretty much everything, he makes sure that Jonathan and I have everything we need.  Now, I know that some people would say that this is what a man is supposed to do.  But, that doesn't make it any less important.  I know that I can depend on him when it comes to money for the bills, and food on our table.  There are alot of men out there who don't care about their family, and will just run off and do whatever they want, my father being one of them (note* mt father is my biological father, my dad is my step-dad, the man in the pictures with Jonathan).  He takes his responsibilities as a father and a husband seriously.  We never go without, and we never have.  He's always figured out some way of getting us through, and he has never once let us go hungry or without a roof over our heads.  He is dedicated to his family.He stands up for what he believes in, and he isn't afraid to tell his point of view.  He backs down from no one.  He is strong and refuses to let anyone walk all over him.  He doesn't care if no one else agrees with him.  He tries to get me to be the same way, and assert myself, and I'm getting there- slowly but surely.  He shows me how to stand up for myself, and not back down.After we eat dinner, he always gives me a big hug when he's done eating, and thanks me for dinner.  I love that!  When it's time for bed, he kisses his son and says goodnight, then he wraps his arms around me and keeps me warm until I go to sleep.  So, he isn't some monster who walks around all day being mean.  I think that his addiction has poisoned his mind, and it's stopping him from being the man that I fell in love with 6 years ago.  It's changed him, and brought depression along with it.  I just wish he could get over his addiction so that we can be a happy family again.  But, he only admits to his addiction once in a while, and won't do anything about it.  So, do I wait it out, or give up on him and his addiction?  If I do, I will be giving up the wonderful things too.