Whew...  Panic Attacks...  I hate them, and this one has lasted for over an hour.  Talking with Rob about things that hurt me, and asking questions that I feel like I HAVE to know, but I really DON'T want to know...   Stupid me.  I asked anyway.  Stupid little questions that make no difference in the master plan of life, where the answers will bring pain and heartache and more hurt.  Stupid things I have always wondered, and have always worried about.  Stupid things I don't need to know and don't matter at all.I asked anyways, then after only hearing half of the answer, I told him I didn't want to know and to stop telling me.   There's still alot of pain.  Alot of things to work on.  I want to feel better.  I want to trust him and be happy.  But it's so hard to do.  I just want to feel happy, comfortable, and secure.  I don't want to have to sit and worry about what's hidden my house or what's hidden somewhere on his computer.  I don't want to worry that he's looking at other girls (he has licked his lips and turned his head in the direction of a hot girl walking down the street, and then there's the time we were driving different cars and he was behind me at a red light- 2 really hot girls pulled up next to him in an S.U.V. and he was leaning over checking them out, inching the car up to get a better look and get them to notice him...).  I don't want to have to worry about whether or not today is the day that I will find out that he has cheated.  It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.  I am so tired of the panic attacks- so tired of feeling this way.  I just hope that someday I can get over this, but not over it to the point of forgetting all of it.  I just don't want it to bother me anymore...  Someday...