Where should I begin? It's been a few days since I have written.  OK, first things first.  I am doing VERY well.  I didn't write on here because things have been so crazy- GOOD crazy.  WONDERFUL crazy.  INSANELY WONDERFUL NEWLY IN LOVE CRAZY!!!   Here's the twist- I am not in love with some guy whom I have just met, although, I am beginning to believe he is someone entirely new.  My husband did something last Saturday- as many of my DS friends know.  Well, he decided after doing that illegal thing that it was NOT the right way to go about it.  Sooooo.... on Monday, he decided to get into therapy (again...).  Only this time, he came to me.  This was one of those 'You have to do it or I leave' situations.  In fact, he hasn't yelled at me at all since Saturday night.  We haven't faught.  Not once.  So, anyways, he came to me.  He said that he wanted to talk to someone about everything, and was worried that I would be offended that he wanted to talk to a therapist instead of talking to me.  I explained to him that I don't WANT him to come to me with alot of the things he would say to a therapist for many reasons.  It's not like I don't want to know or I don't care, it's that there are somethings that are better left unsaid to a spouse.  I don't want to know what the deal is with the porn.  I don't want to know why he does the things he does.  Why don't I want to know?  Because it's NONE of my business to know.  I also don't want him thinking that I would think badly of him because of what he tells me.  A therapist is a 'safe place'.  A person to talk to without fear of harsh judgement.  So, he went to his new therapist for the first time on Tuesday.  They happened to have an open spot in their appointment book, and he went.  I didn't ask him anything about it, except whether or not he felt that he might want to go back.  He went back on Thursday.  He also started back on antidepressant meds.  So far, so good.  Things seems ALOT better.I am cautious though.  But this feels different.  We have had alot of deep and personal conversations this week.  Like I said, he came to me- this wasn't something he did to get me to shut up.  Also, on his own free will, he handed over all of the porn he had around the house.  I don't know if that was ALL of it.  But I'm not going to ask.  He is asking for my trust, and he is trying to earn that back.  GET THIS!!!  He apologized today.  He said he was sorry for all of the beatings, the name calling, the porn, EVERYTHING!!!   He has never once apologized before.  I also wasn't the one to bring it up.  He did.  We were jsut driving along in the car, and he starts opening up, telling me how he wants to change his life, and how he has decided to get away from porn, learn how to control his anger, and make a better life for Jonathan and me.  He is going back to college in the spring (he couldn't get into the fall semester), attending Cleveland State University to get his Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering.  (I apologize for the spelling errors)He is currently a 6G and aircraft certified welder.  He also has a degree in autmotive technology, but he decided that working as a mechanic wasn't going to pay for Jonathan to go to the best schools and he wouldn't have the life we wanted for him.  So, he never became A.S.E. certified.  I am proud of him, though.  His welds look better than anything I have ever seen come out of a machine- absolutely perfect!  He makes decent money, we're not poor, or ever short on money.  But, he stills feels that he can do better with himself, and there's nothing wrong with that.  It's always good to improve yourself and your life.  Since nobody's perfect, it really wouldn't hurt ANYONE to improve themselves- whether it's with your career, or even just yourself as a person.  There's always room for improvement, even if you're Bill Gates.  Being insanely rich does not mean that you have reached the top.  There's more to life than money.  So, with his new outlook on life, I hope things get better.  They've been improving this week, but I am still weary of it all.  For 6 years, I have been abused.  For 6 years, he has hurt me.  And it's going to take some time for my heart to heal.I am, however, starting to feel the way that I did 6 years ago when he and I first met.  Those feelings had been lost for years, unable to break through all of the stress, the pain, and the numerous things that he has done to me.  I haven't been perfect either.