I have a certain person that I would most like to be like. I think everyone does, whether fictional or real. I actually have two. The first being my mom. The second being 'Melanie' from 'Gone With The Wind'. Sounds odd, but let me explain.Melanie was not the main charactor, and not the most beautiful or glamorous. She was quiet and kind. What I love about her, and why I wish I could be like her, is that she was so loving, so gentle, so kind, and so forgiving. While Scarlet was trying to get Ashley to fall for her, Melanie forgave her. She didn't make a scene when Scarlet showed up after the whole town had found out about her throwing herself at Ashley. She forgave her, and welcomed her into her home. Melanie could have easily started a fight- most women would HATE the woman who kissed her husband! But, she didn't. Instead, she showed her kindness and respect. She still loved her husband, and still cared deeply for Scarlet. She stood strong, and put love and trust first. How come it isn't that easy to forgive? I know she wasn't a 'real person', she was just someone from someone else's imagination. But, even still- there are women out there like that. Women who forgive and love. Women who chose not to get angry. Women who love everyone, and look past other people's mistakes.Women like that tend to be overlooked. People always want to hear about the scandals going on with the most attractive and glamorous women. Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Nicole Richie. The media swarms around them and all that they do. One shaves her head and 'loses her mind'. The other gets drunk too frequently. Another one struggles with anorexia. They get attention for these negative things. Sure, they may all be attractive women with a lot of money, but why show all of the negative things about them? Are our lives so perfect that we have to turn to look at other people's problems? I'm not saying that they aren't good women, I don't know them personally. I am sure that they all have their own troubles going on in their heads. You don't get drunk on a daily basis, refuse to eat, or shave your head and act out the way that they do. Not without something deeper going on in their lives. I don't want to be famous. I don't want to be rich. I don't want to be the most physically beautiful person that there ever was. I want to be me. I want to have a heart like Melanie. I want to forgive everyone who hurts me (including my abusive husband). I want to see people for who they are, not the mistakes they have made. I want to look at everyone with love, and not judge them. I want to smile at all whom I meet, and make them smile back. I want to brighten a persons day, so that they will brighten someone else's. A smile goes far beyond the person you smile at. That smile might just bring a ray of sunshine or hope to their day. Smile at a man who seems down, and he could just possibly go home and hug his wife, and she will be less stressed. Then, because she isn't so stressed, she doesn't yell at her kids who accidentally broke her favorite lamp. The kids sleep better, feeling loved and forgiven, and they wake up the next day and go to school. They do great on a test that day because they slept well. They get a good grade on the test and feel confident about themselves, feeling smart and proud. Then they feel better about going to school everyday after that. And a few years later, one of them becomes the doctor who cures H.I.V. and the other becomes the first female president of the United States! They could change the world, all because years earlier, you smiled at the man who cut you off in traffic because his boss gave him a hard time at work. Imagine that!Take care, and remember to smile for all those you meet, and forgive those who have done you wrong. You could start something great with just that little smile! Who knows?
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Wow that was very beautiful. You have a way with words.I try to be just as you explained. I smile as often as possible. But sometimes even when you smile at someone they still give you that look of pure hatred. But you are right. A smile could make a difference in someones life. I know when someone smiles back at me it makes me feel good. So you keep trying to be like Melanie because the world needs more of her out there. Much love jb
You do have that kindness. Everyone deserves forgiveness...... However what happens when someone does something bad---- Lets say a child stole a candy bar from the store. The police man sees him and says.\" son, I won\'t tell the store owner if you promise not to steal again. The next day the boy steals again because he got away with it. The store owner says\" son I will not call the police if you promise not to steal again\" The boy comes back the next day and steals 5 candy bars, a bag of marbles and 2 video games. This time the store owner calls the police and the police man says \" son I\'m very sorry but we have to take you to juvenile court. You will need to live in a special home until you learn that stealing is wrong \" That\'s close to reality but just what would happen if the store owner did Not call the police ?????? The boy gets brave and feels he can get away with anything. He becomes rude and verbally abusive to the store owner. The candy bars are old hat now and he is stealing video games by the dozen to sell to friends. Hes bringing his friends to steal because the store owner never calls the police ! Soon customers are complaining because the store stock is too low and the owner can not afford to replace the stock. Soon the rent is due but most of the stock has been stolen and he has made very few sales. He can not pay the rent. Soon he loses the business. He can not feed his family. They loose the house and The car. His son gets sick and he no longer has insurance so he can not afford medical treatment. the boy dies and the man is left wondering why he was so stupid. Forgiving a wrong doing once is a genuine act of kindness. Forgiving someone for THE SAME offence a 2nd or 3rd time is above and beyond the call of duty. forgiving a person for the same offence more than 4 times is giving them PERMISSION to do as they like until they have stolen everything you once had. In your case its your health. your self esteem, your confidence, your Independence, your happiness etc..... Exactly what else is left Melinda ???? All that\'s left is your life. He will take that too. Hes starting to whine because he does not have family and he does not have a car. Bullshit !!!!!!! He could have a loving family with you and Jonathon but he screwed up. He could have a car but, he screwed up. Hes such a screw up that he only feels like a man when he abuses you. You inadvertently gave him permission to treat you this way. You did not mean too because you were trying to be kind but every time you did not call the police he knew he got away with it. He does not believe you will really leave. You will NEVER get out of there Melinda. Forgiveness is for people who ask for forgiveness and apologize !!!!! Those people SINCERELY try not to commit the same mistake again. Your husband does it on purpose !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He does it to entertain himself and make him self feel like a macho man. The very idea of forgiveness in this case is totally ridiculous at this point. Sure--- be a godly person and forgive him for hurting you but get the &*^%%$))!!! out of there before you and your son get killed or worse yet become to handicapped to feed yourself or think for your self. I know your scared. I know you want a happy life with your husband but, its not going to happen. He is way to far gone. He is mentally Ill and dangerous. If you let it continue at this point its because of your weakness. He will not change. Its up to you to save your own life and get your son away from the sick man that is destroying your life. I KNow that this is hard to read. I know I have been rough on you but, My god melinda What does it take for you to see reason? Get out !!!! Get help call the police they can keep you safe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow! LOL I didn\'t think anyone would read too much into this post.
Well, I have had several messages, and Joline\'s comment on this one. OK, when I said, \"forgive my abusive husband\" I meant that I can can forgive him, and have no hard feelings towards him. This DOES NOT mean that I am going to stay with him. I consider myself \'single\'. I am moving on, and part of my healing is to forgive him. I can\'t spend the rest of my life hating him for beating me, or for him lying to my face for just under 6 years. I don\'t have time for all of that. So, I forgive him.
I feel at peace with myself now. I feel GOOD about myself. I am the bigger person here.
I forgive him in my heart, but that does not mean that I am not going to do anything about his abuse. I have filed a police report, with the help of my doctor on friday. They took pictures of my current bruises, and my doctor has x-rays on file of the injuries to my head and jaw. (By the way, my skull has small fractures from years of blows to the head. He described it as what is typically seen in boxers and professional fighters). There is a warrant for his arrest, I think? They didn\'t tell me much. They just said to get out of the house, and if I need a restraining order, I can file for a temporary order of protection until I get a court date for the restraining order. Why he hasn\'t been arrested, I don\'t know. I also gave the police copies of the restraining order that his ex-girlfriend has on him. I never read them until recently, but everything she said that he did to her, he has done to me. Scary. I had the papers since day 1, and I never really read them until a few months ago. I should have read them first thing, but I believed him when he said it was all a lie and she was just getting revenge for him leaving her.
So, anyways...
Like I was saying, this journal entry has nothing to do with Rob. It\'s my goal of who I want to be. It\'s my wish for myself, in a life without Rob.
Melinda, it took a person who loves you very much to write what Joline did.. and every word she wrote is fact.. second if you do not leave I am afraid that the athoritys will take your son for safe keeping.. he is not safe where he is.. this man you think you can forgive may decide that hitting you is not enough punishment.. then what will he do? he will take it out on the one thing or person you love most in life.. you don\'t know me and I feel terrible writing this but it\'s a FACT.. I promise I will not write again .. but if you love your son you will get out,,NOW TODAY Love and best wishes Diane
OK, I know everyone here cares about me- but no one is hearing what I\'m saying. I am not WITH my husband. I am moving out a.s.a.p.! I have filed a police report, and I have reserved a Uhaul for next weekend. I have done everything except go to a shelter because I am NEVER going to go to one.
THIS JOURNAL ENTRY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ROB!!!! Why does everyone think that?????
OMG forget it.
Sorry your upset, I\'m glad you have such lfty goals. Your one strong woman to be able to forgive so quickly. I must say you have one up on me. I guess I\'m not as strong as you. I know I was brutal but, Babe.... You did not tell us you finally filed a report and had the documentation done. After telling us you needed to get him a car and not leaving when I thought you were leaving. I do not think I misunderstood the date and then writing a forgiveness message I was thinking the worse. I\'m afraid for you. Someone just told me they cried when reading your post. Everyone wants the best for you but the bottom line is YOU ARE STILL THERE !!!!! We will not rest untill you are safe. Take your car. ITS YOURS !!!!!!!! And get out of there !!!! You will need that car for you and your son. What If he needs to go to the doctor ??? What if there is an emergancy. It will be a huge mistake to leave him the car not to mention that he can use it to find you and jonathan. That could be very very dangerous !!!!! I know your heart is so good that you do not think he could ever kill you or your son but YOUR WRONG !!!!!! all he needs is a little extra push. He will be mad when you leave. Taking the car will prevent him having the transportation it will take to come after you. He probably has some money he can get a car with. He does not let you know anything about the finances does he ? If he does not have some money put away then its his fault once more for screwing up and not being finacially responsible. NOW
Oopppps part of the message just vanished. Not sure how to edit the message. Take care melinda. You need to PREPARE FOR THE WORST and hope for the best.