Yesterday evening, I needed to run over to my parents house really quick. I called my dad and told him I needed to get something and that I would be there in a few minutes. He sounded different, like something was wrong. I didn't ask because it didn't seem right to. I got to their house (they live just a few streets away) and my mom was on the livingroom floor. And, my dad seemed- I don't know- extremely worried. I don't know what's going on, and I'm worried too. He was taking her to the hospital, but I don't know anything more. I am afraid to call because if she's home, she needs her rest, and I don't want to bother her. So, I have realized that I am not actually falling for his 'niceness'. It's temporary, and I know it. I can't love him anymore. I think I was trying to out of habit? I just feel hurt when he's around. I so badly want to be free of this pain, and I know I never will be free of it if I stay. He will just do it again. Thing is, I am not afraid of being hit. It's that I cannot think about him without thinking about all of the porn. It hurts so deep inside of me, and lasts much longer than any bruise. I can't see his laptop sitting there on the table while he's at work without feeling the pain all over again. Every room in my house has a potential hiding spot for porn. He has hidden it all over this house. I look at him, and all I see is someone who does not care at all about my feelings. He doesn't care about me at all. I feel like I am ugly and fat in his eyes. And, the fact that he blamed me for the porn, that's not fair. I am who I am, and I look the way I do. I personally don't see anything wrong that. I know how I look, and I also know that size does NOT matter when it comes to love. I know ALOT of heavy-set women who are in wonderful marriages. They are loved, and they are happy. I want that happiness. I want that love. I want to be secure in my marriage, knowing that my husband doesn't have a 'wandering eye'. Everywhere we go, he stares at other women. A Victoria's Secret commercial comes on and he stares with a stupid grin on his face, nodding his head. It's disgusting. He puts me through hell. I wish I had the confidence to not care about it, and be secure just knowing that he loves me- but he doesn't love me. If he did, wouldn't he stop? Wouldn't he stop all of these things just because it hurts me?I think I'm stuck in a bad habit. I want to leave, but the only reason I don't is because I am worried about what he'll do when I am gone. I am worried that he will be looking at porn, that he will find someone new, that he will not care that I'm gone. But why do I care? I feel so much pain from him, and I have tried- but I just don't love him any more. So, why do I give a crap what he does? Why does it matter to me at all? I want to be free of him and all of the pain he has caused. I want to fix the pieces of my broken heart. I want to move on. I am at the point where whenever I see a man while I'm out, I wonder if he's the one. I AM MARRIED! It shouldn't be this way. I should be able to picture myself growing old with the man I am married to- but I don't. Instead, I find myself wondering how much longer we will last. I find myself longing for the happiness and love that should be between a husband and a wife. I feel like I am waisting my time here. I feel like I will never be happy as long as I stay.BUT- some part of me still wants to make this work. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to give up on him. I don't want to leave him hurting and heartbroken like he has done to me. But at this point, I don't think he'll care at all if I go. And, some people think it's justified if he is hurt by me leaving, but I don't think that it is EVER right to hurt someone, not for any reason.So, with a deep sigh, I have to figure out what I am going to do.
Replies
god bless. Melinda, my thoughts and prayers are with your mom. Is she alright? please keep us updated. Did she fall? oh my! that is just awful. i hope and pray that she is alright.
Everyone wants nice marriage, and for it to be strong, and last forever. You have lots of emotions. You experienced great times with rob, and also you have experience bad times. You want those great times! and you are missing those great times. You need stability, and shouldn\'t have to live in fear. his addition, he needs professional help. it\'s an addiction, and if not treated and addressed, he will fall into addictions\'s trap. i pray for you Melinda, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a beautiful woman, wonderful mother, and loving, caring, and sweet friend who i adore. :)
Bless you sweetie I know this is so hard. You did not ask for this it was handed to you and now you have to deal with it. My husband blamed me for the porn too. They ALL do. Some of the wives are very young and beautifull and the husband is still looking at porn. Its just a part of the addiction melinda. You could be every mans fantasy but he only wants his fantasy life and prostitutes or quick sexual affairs. He will not change at this stage of his addiction unless he has some intense therapy. I have been there. I know EXACTLY how you feel and how your heart is breaking. My heart is still broken !!!!!
Please do not concern yourself with his feelings. You have been an excellent wife to him while he choose to ignore YOUR feelings. He May be sorry now. But you already know the relationship is over.
1= you do not trust him ... how can you love a man you can not even trust
2= he has lied to many times. How close can you get in a relationship when he lies.....
3= He BEATS you when hes angry. He cares so little for your feelings that he goes after your body trying to heap on the pain and hurt untill you are physically marked.
4= He is mentally Ill. Anyone who has such power control issues and is also an addictive personality needs help
5= He is teaching your child slowly but surely to hate you
6= he is teaching your child that violence is okay
7= he is teaching your son that its okay to use foul language.
8= he is teaching him that you do not need to respect wives or mothers or woman in general
9= He is emotional abusing your son
10=There is no hope left in this relationship. It will always be the same. He is in charge and you are put down. You will never get respect or be viewed as an equal.
okay..... I could go on and on. The only place this relationship is going to go is downhill. he knows you will stay after he treats you like a dog and trys to kick your scull in. One day he will be just a little madder, or a little drunker and he will kill you or injure you for life. If he does not have a patsy to beat on he will turn to your son. He may not touch him now because all his anger is directed at you. When he no longer has you around to beat it will be your son. Trust me its the truth !!!!!.
Melinda, Its your job to protect your child. If you want to stay thats fine but, This violence and abuse is damaging your son. He should be laughing and carefree. Any child who has seen and heard the things he has would need therapy. Its time to save him !!!! Thats your priotity as a mother. Forget what you want, forget about hurting robs feelings and get your son to a safe house. This is not about just you. Its about you and your son. If he had the chance he would tell you that he does not like to see mommy cry or hear daddy yell. What a traumatic experience it must be to see your daddy kick and beat your mommy. You can not let him be subject to that anymore. He also does not need to see his daddy masterbateing to porn images. He does not need to see the porn period. All this is abuse melinda. Its abusing your son. Forget about how bad you will feel because your hurting rob and think about jonathon before he is too emotionally scarred to ever come out of his shell. Give the kid a chance for peace and tranquility. He does not feel safe in your own home. What a horrible tradegdy to be a child, be helpless to do anything about the situation and to be always afraid. Its up to you. ............ I love you and want you safe but frankly jonathon is the most importent Issue here. If necessary take him to your parents house or someone you trust and let him live there if you want to stay. Its your life you can make that choice but jonathon can\'t. Its your responsibility to care for him. sorry to be so hard on you ! I would rather lose your friendship than see jonathon stay there any longer than absolutely necessary.
If I was in your place Id act like I was so thankful rob was being nice. Tell him how happy you are etc.... hug him and kiss him and plan your escape for the first day you can get out of there. Stop thinking and being wishy washy. Stop the what ifs etc..... Get out of there. move on..... If its bad enough to think about suicide Why are you staying ??????????????????????????/
Joline, I read all of this- and you are SOOOOOOO right. I have been still planning on leaving him. I figure its best to do it while he\'s \'nice\'. I have a plan, and I will write it to you in a personal message. Just a quick note- Rob never drinks (thank God, because this could be even WORSE!). I just want everyone to know that he doesn\'t, and I am thankful that he doesn\'t. No drugs either, thankfully. But yes, you are right, and MY SON DESERVES BETTER! I\'m outta here as soon as I can. I promise this to you, to Chris, to all of my dear friends who care about me, and most importantly to my little boy.
Oh bless you melinda. You made me cry !! I so want you and jonathon to lead a happy safe life.
Melinda, I have to agree with Joline. As I have been where are and as I have said, I know it is not easy, but you and your son deserve a good, safe and happy life! Hugs, Sharon