I had a good weekend.  I took Jonathan to Swings 'N Things on Saturday (it's this place with go-karts, an arcade, bumper boats, batting cages, lazer tag, mini-golf, a paintball field... all kinds of stuff...).  He wasn't big enough to ride the little kids go-karts, they have to be 48 inches tall, and he's only about 42 inches.  They have adult ones with a passenger seat, and we've done those before, and he loves them- but we didn't go on them because they have slowed their speed since last time for safety reasons, and the double go-karts didn't have enough power to make it up the hills and stuff.  We watched them for a few minutes, and noticed that the guy had to stand there and push the people in them up the hill because they didn't have enough power to get up there on their own.  SOOOOOO....We went inside to the arcade and Jonathan played the driving games inside (those arcade games where it's like your driving a car...)  He really liked that.  We played some other games, but I'm addicted to ski-ball (HEY DOUG!  I NEED A SUPPORT GROUP FOR THAT!!  jk!)  I got a bunch of tickets and let Jonathan pick out some prizes with them.  I bought a strawberry shake and Jonathan got what I consider a 'Mother's Nightmare'- 3 marshmallows on a stick, covered in chocolate.  I don't know what they actually called those things, but I decided to name them as accurately as I could.  So, Saturday was a good day.  Sunday was lazy and boring...I am still tired, so I think I will go back to bed in a minute.  Nothing planned today except cleaning.  And, I still feel like crud, so I'm gonna hate doing it.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^^ That's my journal for the weekend^^This is for how I am right now...So, after I wrote that last entry, I went upstairs to go back to bed.  I peeked in on Jonathan, and he's still sleeping.  He looks so sweet sleeping curled up in a ball on his car bed.  His blanket is pulled up halfway over his face, and a little size 10 bare foot is sticking out the bottom of the blanket.  His little toes wiggled for a second, and I giggled- trying not to wake him.  Not a day goes by that he doesn't make me laugh, he even does it in his sleep!I love that kid.  HE is what matters most.  My own feelings, my own happiness, my own life comes second to him.  My life is not about me anymore.  It's about Jonthan.  It's about what's best for him, and what he needs and wants.  There is not a single thing in this world I wouldn't do for him.  Before I became a mother, back when I was known only as Melinda, and 'Mindy' to my family, I didn't think that I could ever love so much.  Then, on September 20th, 2002, the day after my 21st birthday, that all changed.  I found out I was going to be a mom!  I loved my growing belly, and I could not WAIT to meet him!  Of course, he doesn't look at all like I thought he would.  I thought he would have black hair like his dad, and have a darker complexion like daddy's family.  Nope.  I was wrong.  He has my hair, and my fair skin that gets sunburned just THINKING about going outside.  He looks like my husband alot, too, but I see alot of myself in him.  When he was born, my whole world changed.  It was scary at first.  I remember not being able to sleep the first night home from the hospital.  We had him in our room because we thought it would be easier if he woke up.  But, I was so afraid to go to sleep.  I watched him breathing, not taking my eyes off of him.  I was so terrified that he would die from SIDS, suffocate, or something drastic would happen.  I finally could not take it anymore, and told Rob to wake up because I wanted to go to sleep, and somebody had to watch him and make sure he's OK.  My logic is was that you should NEVER leave a baby unattended, right?  He thought I was insane at that point.  Looking back- yah, I think I was...  Rob worried about him too, but he was much more relaxed because he is the oldest of 10 kids, and he's had 9 babies of expirience to calm his nerves.  I am the baby, with just an older brother, so this was all new to me!  I never have slept the same since the last night I slept in my bed, in the outskirts of St. Louis, 39 weeks pregnant.  That last night before I went into labor was my last peaceful night of sleep.  I would wake up in the middle of the night, terrified because I couldn't hear him.  I was always worried because of the whole 'put your baby on his back to sleep or he will die from SIDS' thing.  Well, Jonathan would not sleep on his back.  Whenever we tried to put him to sleep like that, he would scream for hours on end, until we turned him over onto his tummy.  Then, he'd fall fast asleep.  I would get up at LEAST once an hour to check on him.  I still find myself doing that once in a while, even though he is no longer a baby and he isn't going to die from SIDS.  You just don't sleep the same after having kids.  I can sleep the whole night through, but it's not the same.  It's never a deep sleep.  One little noise comes from his room, and I am wide awake, prepared to run in there.  The cat doesn't wake me up with his 'late-night hyperactivity', the alarm clock doesn't wake me up, and Rob had a heck of a time trying to wake me up this morning because he couldn't find his car keys.  But that little boy can wake me up with a little sniffle of his nose!  Weird how my brain is wired to tend to his every need, isn't it?My Jonathan David.  He has changed my life.  He has pooped on me, pee'd on me, spit up on me, thrown up on me, kept me up at night, thrown tantrums that embarrass me, broken precious family treasures, gave me stretch marks and extra jiggle on my middle, thrown food at me (and somehow got speghetti-O's on the ceiling).  He has colored on the walls, peeled walpaper off of the walls, broken a window by throwing a sippy cup during a melt-down, stained the carpet an add shade of green, dropped toys in the aquarium, had a lake comparable in size to Lake Erie on the bathroom floor...  Yet, I love him unconditionally.  He still makes me laugh every single day, even just by wiggling his tiny toes in his sleep!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m so glad you had a good weekend. Your journal entry made me smile. Your a good mother. REMEMBER TO CALL YOUR THERAPIST TODAY !!!!! PLEASE Do NOT WAIT UNTILL The violence happens again. you deserve so much better.
deleted_user
deleted_user

it made me smile as well and it so true once you have children you lose your idenity and become someones mom!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

:) Melinda, this journal entry made me smile. :) Thank you for sharing those precious moments/memories with us. You\'re a wonderful mother, and i am very thankful that you are Jonathan\'s mommy. He has a wonderful mother, who will always love him, cherish him, and be there for him. :) You\'re his angel, and always will be. :) i am so happy you and Jonathan enjoyed a nice weekend. It sounds like great fun! i love ski-ball too! :) brings back lots of memories. Hey! those chocolate covered marshmallows sound delicious! i want some! i\'ll trade you, twix for chocolate covered marshmallows. We have a deal? YES! :) :) sweetie, this is a very moving journal, and it has touched my heart. :) Thank you for writing to us sweet Melinda. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Damn girl, what did I tell you about a new career????