I can't sleep. I went to bed late- around 12:30am. But Jonathan woke me up around 2:30 and I just can't fall back to sleep. So much stress, so much heartache. I have to be up at 6:30 to take him to work so I can have the car to run errands tomorrow, but I just can't get to sleep.The last thing he said to me tonight was, "So, are you moving out, or am I?" I told him I am this weekend. Silly for me to stay and have him leave when I do not have a job or the money to pay the bills here. Even if I went back to being a vet tech, I will not make enough money to pay the rent or even ½ the bills. So, I am going to go to my mom's house, I guess. No where else to go. They told me I can come back, but it's so complicated. I need to find money for a moving truck because I am keeping everything my parents bought for me, and all of the furniture my father gave me before he moved to Florida a few months ago. Not to mention all of my scrapbooking stuff and personal belongings.Kitty Cat is up for grabs, I guess. I might just put an add in the paper, but I could never ask for money for him. I can't take him to my parents house, they already have a female cat and a very large German Shepherd. And he can't stay with Rob because that man will never change a litter box and will forget to feed him. So, it's better if he goes to live with a loving family. I'll miss him- he's become a source of comfort for me lately. His loyalty to me never seems to fail.Well, I'm going outside for a cigarette. It's all I have left to calm my nerves. The bruises on my face are starting to show- that's going to take alot of makeup to hide them tomorrow. GRRRRRR.... why does he have to make it so obvious to the world that he beats me? It's embarrassing and makes me feel stupid when people ask what happened. Yah, am I supposed to say, "Oh, it's nothing... My husband just beat the crap outta me last night." No one wants to hear that! And I just look stupid for being with him. It's bad enough that all the neighbors know about it because they hear him yelling and screaming at me. I have become the 'battered wife' of the neighborhood- the 'shhhhhh-try-not-to-stare-at-her' housewife who is too stupid and weak to leave him.
Replies
sweetie, i am sorry you couldn\'t sleep well. i do hope, you can fully quit smoking. there are many other ways to calm yourself, like reading a book/magazine, or taking a nice relaxing bath. hun, i support you 100%, and i believe it\'s a very smart decision at this time, to leave, and to seek comfort in staying with your mom. You need that stability of knowing, that you won\'t have to endure another beating. You don\'t deserve that abuse. i pray for you hun, and i know things will be fine, once you get settled in at your mom\'s place. i am very proud of you for taking this step, and seeking safer situation in moving in with your mom. You know my number hun, anytime you need to contact me, i here for you. god bless.
I am so sorry that you are so battered and beaten. I wish I could give you a big hug. I know what it\'s like to be made to feel like your worth nothing. But you are worth a lot. You have people on here that care for you very much and hate to hear the terrible things you live with everyday. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don\'t let anyone tell you different. I know you don\'t know me well, but I am always here if you need a friend. You do deserve love and compassion. Take care and know that you are loved. jb