I KNOW that my husband looks at porn. I have a "feeling" that he did. So, I go and check the computer. I know as I am turning the computer on that I am going to feel sick to my stomach and be upset for days when I see what he has done. Even though I already know he has, I have to prove it to myself. And in this way, I torture myself. I know that what I see will upset me. I know that I will end up calling him at work to tell him that I know about it. I know that it will start a huge fight. I know that he will hit me because I was "spying" on him. I know all of this. Yet, I can't stop myself from looking.
This, I guess, is my addiction. My spying on him is my way to try to protect myself. But it doesn't work. I feel like if he sees that he cannot hide it, then he will have so much shame that he won't do it any more. But that hasn't worked at all. It has only made him find new ways of hiding it. And, it's only made me hurt more.
This, I guess, is my addiction. My spying on him is my way to try to protect myself. But it doesn't work. I feel like if he sees that he cannot hide it, then he will have so much shame that he won't do it any more. But that hasn't worked at all. It has only made him find new ways of hiding it. And, it's only made me hurt more.
Replies
Melinda, I am sorry that you feel bad. I would too. That your husband is addicted to porn is a sad thing but it has NOTHING to do with you as a woman. I recommend that you find ways to not see it personal when he does this. His action and you have no connection. He would do this to any other woman, there is NOTHING that you did or didn\'t do that caused him to be addicted to porn. You need to try to detach yourself from that thought. There is NOTHING you can do to change him. He has to do it and he will need professional help to do this. Just like you wanting to smoke so bad (did you smoke today?) he wants to look at porn so bad. It is an illness and has nothing to do with your marriage. You are beautiful, your husband has some mental problems that need to be worked on. You will help him and yourself if you stop blaming yourself and him for his addiction. He is sick and can\'t just stop. He NEEDS HELP, professional help. Support him to get that...
L*O*V*E
Warrior
Something else...I don\'t think calling him at work and talk about his addiction will not create a positive environment for change. By the time he comes home he will be \"charged\" and you will be in danger. He obviously can\'t just stop even when faced with the loss of the family. That is clearly an addiction, not being able to stop even though bad things will happen. Support his efforts to change, give yourself a timeline until you will be there for him. If nothing changes you will have to decide to leave an unhealthy relationship. It might not be possible to raise your son in this environment. At the end, you will have to think about yourself and move on. You can not hold yourself responsible for your husband\'s problems. I really recommend to see a therapist, don\'t put it off.
I will be here to listen.