Well, I took him to lunch today (he likes it when I go with him for lunch...)
We were talking once again about the porn issue, and the violence issue. I told him that when the porn issue comes up, this is when he gets defensive and violent. His birth mother was bipolar, and was addicted to drugs and prostitution. She passed away a year ago in March. And so I asked him, "What if your mother could have stopped her drug addiction? What if she could have gotten help with the bipolar disorder? What if she had recieved help before she became a victim of AIDS?" I reminded him that she thought she was fine, and how she thought her addiction isn't hurting anyone. But, her addiction was blinding her to the pain it was causing for her family.
He seemed to have thought about what I had to say. No arguements about it. Then he brought up my addiction- cigarettes. He says I have to quit smoking, and then he'll quit the porn.
So, we have decided to help each other out on this one. I agreed to quit smoking, and he agreed to quit the porn. I believe that if we aren't fighting about the porn, maybe his rage will go away. The only times he has ever hit me was when I would find out he was looking at porn and I would say something about it.
We were talking once again about the porn issue, and the violence issue. I told him that when the porn issue comes up, this is when he gets defensive and violent. His birth mother was bipolar, and was addicted to drugs and prostitution. She passed away a year ago in March. And so I asked him, "What if your mother could have stopped her drug addiction? What if she could have gotten help with the bipolar disorder? What if she had recieved help before she became a victim of AIDS?" I reminded him that she thought she was fine, and how she thought her addiction isn't hurting anyone. But, her addiction was blinding her to the pain it was causing for her family.
He seemed to have thought about what I had to say. No arguements about it. Then he brought up my addiction- cigarettes. He says I have to quit smoking, and then he'll quit the porn.
So, we have decided to help each other out on this one. I agreed to quit smoking, and he agreed to quit the porn. I believe that if we aren't fighting about the porn, maybe his rage will go away. The only times he has ever hit me was when I would find out he was looking at porn and I would say something about it.
Replies
Good for you and, yes, productive steps...However, I think you should seek counseling, will help both of you staying on track. Be cautious about his promises but tell him that you are happy that he wants to work on it. As with many addictions, a therapist can talk about what is really going on. You made the first step, many more have to follow to heal.