I'm about halfway done. The chapter on recovery sexuality after rape is the most difficult to write, more than I had expected. I could use some help from women here on that issue!
You know, it\'s a relief that this particular subject is more difficult than you expected. That\'s exactly how I feel and I\'ve been living it for years! There are no easy answers. There don\'t seem to be 12 steps to victory. I wish it were so simple! What does a woman do when a rapist invades her bed off and on for 30 years? How do you successfully eject this \'ghost\' from between yourself and your husband?
I\'ve ignored it and made myself act \'fine\' during intimacy. That just led to some resentment. I\'ve made a list of what I\'m comfortable and not comfortable with and will only do what I like. That helps, but yet the bottom line is blaringly obvious that I\'m still affected - the ghost is still in my bed. I\'ve differentiated between sex and making love. (Yes, I know that rape isn\'t really about sex... but that doesn\'t make a bit of difference when it comes to MY sex life.)
I\'m sure this hasn\'t been helpful in the least. lol I\'ll try again later.
I have posted comments/inquiries regarding this very thing. Alot of my basic information is in my journal. I only wrote one day. But sexuality and intimacy after rape is the most difficult thing to LIVE. I was 12 years old and gang raped. Two men and a woman savagely attacked me. I was orally raped, sodomized and I was forced into orgasm. The ghosts in my bed are often more in my bed than I am able to be. I have had the same loving and devoted husband for 32 years. He TRIES to be a comfort and he knows the things I cannot attempt during intimacy. There has got to be a portion of that chapter of your book devoted to COMMUNICATION between partners. If I could not count on him understanding when I run from our bed, crying to the bathroom because I got more courageous than I was prepared to be...well, I\'m sure it would have ended a great relationship long ago.
Hi Empowered. Have you heard of sex sensate therapy? If so, can you tell me your thoughts on it? (And let me know when you respond to this in case I forget to check back.)
I don\'t think a person can recover from rape.
My brother started raping me as an infant until I was 5,then a cousin raped me at age 9
and again as a teenager.
At 48 years old I still can\'t talk alot about it.
I know in my case being raped as a child I feel took away the development of my personality and stunted my ability to learn normally because of dealing with deep depression and severe shyness and withdrawal.
Thankfully I have always had a love for books which has taught me so much and I\'m smart.
I don\'t think it\'s possible to overcome rape,but I have learned to live around it in order to be a healthier person and find peace within my spirit.
I do have a major problem with sex and always have and at this age I don\'t care if I never have sex again.
I am very withdrawn and repulsed by it and often don\'t want to be hugged or touched in any way.
I find it easier to just accept myself as is and not let it ruin my life anymore then it has.
It has given me a deeper understanding and compassion for myself and people who endure trauma and I feel this makes me a healthier person.
I decided not to help as you may have noticed becuase I thought I had it figured out but turns out Im more confused then ever.
I dont want to become one of those permiscous grls after rape but I dont want to be afraid to ever be touched..were the middle ground? and how do I get there?
Replies
maybe i can?
wish i could help...but not recovered myself, sorry x am looking forward to your book though x
You know, it\'s a relief that this particular subject is more difficult than you expected. That\'s exactly how I feel and I\'ve been living it for years! There are no easy answers. There don\'t seem to be 12 steps to victory. I wish it were so simple! What does a woman do when a rapist invades her bed off and on for 30 years? How do you successfully eject this \'ghost\' from between yourself and your husband?
I\'ve ignored it and made myself act \'fine\' during intimacy. That just led to some resentment. I\'ve made a list of what I\'m comfortable and not comfortable with and will only do what I like. That helps, but yet the bottom line is blaringly obvious that I\'m still affected - the ghost is still in my bed. I\'ve differentiated between sex and making love. (Yes, I know that rape isn\'t really about sex... but that doesn\'t make a bit of difference when it comes to MY sex life.)
I\'m sure this hasn\'t been helpful in the least. lol I\'ll try again later.
I have posted comments/inquiries regarding this very thing. Alot of my basic information is in my journal. I only wrote one day. But sexuality and intimacy after rape is the most difficult thing to LIVE. I was 12 years old and gang raped. Two men and a woman savagely attacked me. I was orally raped, sodomized and I was forced into orgasm. The ghosts in my bed are often more in my bed than I am able to be. I have had the same loving and devoted husband for 32 years. He TRIES to be a comfort and he knows the things I cannot attempt during intimacy. There has got to be a portion of that chapter of your book devoted to COMMUNICATION between partners. If I could not count on him understanding when I run from our bed, crying to the bathroom because I got more courageous than I was prepared to be...well, I\'m sure it would have ended a great relationship long ago.
Hi Empowered. Have you heard of sex sensate therapy? If so, can you tell me your thoughts on it? (And let me know when you respond to this in case I forget to check back.)
I don\'t think a person can recover from rape.
My brother started raping me as an infant until I was 5,then a cousin raped me at age 9
and again as a teenager.
At 48 years old I still can\'t talk alot about it.
I know in my case being raped as a child I feel took away the development of my personality and stunted my ability to learn normally because of dealing with deep depression and severe shyness and withdrawal.
Thankfully I have always had a love for books which has taught me so much and I\'m smart.
I don\'t think it\'s possible to overcome rape,but I have learned to live around it in order to be a healthier person and find peace within my spirit.
I do have a major problem with sex and always have and at this age I don\'t care if I never have sex again.
I am very withdrawn and repulsed by it and often don\'t want to be hugged or touched in any way.
I find it easier to just accept myself as is and not let it ruin my life anymore then it has.
It has given me a deeper understanding and compassion for myself and people who endure trauma and I feel this makes me a healthier person.
I decided not to help as you may have noticed becuase I thought I had it figured out but turns out Im more confused then ever.
I dont want to become one of those permiscous grls after rape but I dont want to be afraid to ever be touched..were the middle ground? and how do I get there?